He won’t serve a day in jail.

Christ stick to sports. I hate when deadspin lets its political crap infest its sports site. If I wanted liberal fuckwit reporting I’d go to Gawker. Fuck you Drew.

Whoooaaaa......easy there big fella!

For this to work, you would need them to actually want to have sex with YOU. Sorry Ellie, you got a long way to go before appealing to any of these fellas.

I find it funny how anyone thought Bernie could ever win the nomination. Like Debbie Wasserman Schultz would ever allow that to happen. This was in the bag many months ago. The primaries are just a formality.

From the looks of your Twitter picture, I’d say you are eating just fine.

We are looking at a Democratic party that is split between two candidates—one, who is honestly kind of a savior for women, and the other who will do the equivalent of making sure that every woman is back in the dog crate in which she was born and lived through preschool.

People abroad must like fat chicks. Its really that simple.

Wow, Schumer is one large lady.

at the lowest point of his professional career

If your credit score is so important to you, also do not pay off your balances in full.

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No need to include that pesky father in the decision right?

See? Gun control works!!

Sunday night at 9pm vs. Downton Abbey. Way to make sure voters tune in to see their options! Laughable.

With your ex, strive for civility, equanimity, and decency; with the children, practice patience, be present, and be willing to listen at any time of the day or night.

Just like Sochi, it will be a disaster waiting to happen, nothing will work, everyone will get sick/hurt, etc. blah blah blah, then the games will come and go and everyone will be fine, and an economy will lay in ruins after.

immediately caused his followers—including myself—to lose their minds.

On Saturday, Policard spoke to the New York Daily News.

Yay they got to vote! Only, she had to do 10-steps behind her husband, entirely covering her body with clothing, only to return home to make sure she doesn’t accidentally look at a man who is not her husband lest she be stoned to death.