Adding "your mom" to those is funny.

Or, for $178.27 you could buy a 55gal barrel of bleach and a pack of crazy straws for $5 bucks. You come out ahead financially.

“The Case for Two Libations”

Hiding the card in a copy Slaughterhouse-Five makes total sense. Here’s why:

I wrote an article about Teal: “The Gucci Guru: Inside Teal Swan’s Posh Cult.”

I remember where I was. I was in northern NJ, frantically calling my mom’s cell since she commuted through the WTC to her job down by the Stock Exchange, on a day when she was celebrating her 59th birthday. Finally got through to her after an hour as she was walking uptown, covered head to toe in dust. Eventually she…

Wow, an actual CarGo cultist.

For the record, Vanbiesbrouck is actually best remembered for inexplicably still being the starting Rangers goalie in NHL 94, forcing me to manually bench him for Richter every time I played.

That top image makes it look like he’s forcing Jeff Bezos to smell his belly button.

• Stop, stand tall and don’t run. Pick up small children. Don’t run. A cougar’s instinct is to chase.

I think there’s a real point here. A lot of you were really hypercritical about the NFL’s terrible record with hiring black coaches and executives but did we ever consider they were doing it to protect those coaches’ feelings?

Keeping your keys in car is a smart move. Nothing kills a party like some bartender confiscating them because youve had like 15 drinks or whatever

Not surprising that they’re friends. The past couple years of offensive line play have demonstrated that Carroll also doesn’t believe in safe spaces.

The sad thing is that this is the 200th time this particular groundhog has died this particular way.

More proof that Kanye was right. Today, sad white men are choosing to be owned.

The Chinese billionaire who owns my favorite team (Southampton) seems to be trying to do the opposite. He’s got a highly valuable asset currently on its way to the Championship, but with the right amount of neglect, it could be a solid 2d Division side.

“Queen of Filthy Nutmegs” is sad proof that Neutral Milk Hotel is trying too hard to recapture earlier success

Just making some boils. Purdue man through and through.

Ugh. Ehrlich Bachman was my favorite thing on Silicon Valley, but the character was getting stale, so it’s good he’s off the show. He can be funny, but there’s lots of places to get funny.

Last of the Nokians