I figured he was trying to get his fingers sliced off so he could enjoy the taste of meat for once.

+1...wait...+5, no +10. +30. Now it’s +325!

Can we get a separate article honoring the genius of this pic, along with all the other great ones by Jim Cooke?

Another Jim Cooke masterpiece

I’m here to win medals and get laid, and it looks like they’re all out of medals.

I disagree with this sentence:

“Yes, America is the greatest country in the world overall.”

Tom?

Literally nobody feels sorry for you. Like, not a single person.

Don’t forget the part where they start cheating

I have a feeling they are trained to say that for any reasonably OK scores... Makes you feel good and comfortable with your finances, which preps you to say yes to whatever dumb option they are about to offer you (which will have a much higher profit margin than the actual car).

Med school grads have a lot of debt, but they also make a lot of money. They’ll be fine.

When the building gets down to only one it will have to shout “Uno!”.

And of those 6 arrests, 3 were for scalping tickets. This is the point where someone mentions snowballs from 1968 and thinks they’re killing it with their hot taek.

preemptively greased up poles

But keeping a toothbrush there makes complete sense.

Hopefully in death, she has found Salvation.

You didn’t have to jump out the window so soon after the joke. You could’ve let it linger

Hopefully she doesn’t become a . . . ZOMBIE

But ask it “what does the witchdoctor say?”, and it has no idea.