Resign. Resign is the word you were looking for.

Lover of liberty and tallest Keebler elf Rand Paul

Dr. Octagon for Surgeon General

Guys, i’m starting to think that electing a reality TV star with 5 military deferments to command one of the world’s largest armed forces may not have been the best idea.

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

I refused to watch the speech, because obviously, but when I saw the headlines on NY1 this morning with the “press” pivoting to say he was “Presidential” and didn’t pee on any of the carpets, my reaction was, ‘here we go...’

Ah, the hypocrisy is thick. Remember when he went after the Khan family and accused HRC of using them as a political prop? Fun times, man. Fun times.

It doesn’t star Bruce Campbell circa 1992 as Gaston.

Did somebody say “candelabra”?

I feel like I’ve already watched it.

That’s just great, since most of the complaints I see about Amy Schumer are about how she only talks about her vagina.

“I would never ...” = “I didn’t realize there would be consequences for my actions.” Which is why we are seeing an uptick in racist and anti-Semitic acts; people are getting the message that they can get away with it.

Future is back.

Trump is like Michael Scott, just more clueless.

Literally nothing he has said since being elected hasn’t confirmed what we knew the whole time, that Donald Trump is a neophyte who has never actually done any hard thinking in his life, and whose only previous hard job was deciding which model he was going to hit on once he named them a winner.

“What the fuck is a ‘pension’?”

Class of ‘93? He looks like he’s 60 years old!

So, let me take a look at you. Your face is very pinched and forward, like a sphincter. You know, it’s very… It’s tight and it’s dark. We can change all that!