um dinosaurs are very real fuck her right in the ear

They got the same fake hair.

I once knew a girl (who said her name was Catherine but had us call her Cat) through a group over at Cafe Mom who claimed to have had several miscarriages, and then she was miraculously was pregnant with twins. We were all so excited for her, until she went into labor way too early (around 27 weeks) and one of her…

BREAKING NEWS JoeinLA is objectively a douchebag so this headline isn't libel

I'd murder my clone and farm him for parts, because I know for a FACT he would do it to me if I let my guard down. That sonuvabitch.

This is NOT ok.

I'm with you. Im black, with really long hair (growing from my head, not bought). The police would find me twisting those scissors into her fucking neck, right under her chin. Maybe I wouldn't be as pissed if it was short like Halle Berry, but even then, she'd likely be one dead bitch. Also, the husband might want to…

Gaslighting is certainly enough reason to pull the plug on a marriage. It isn't a relationship without an equal balance of power, and gaslighting is abusive.

That's assault and I would call the police for sure.

I buy flour by the 10lb bag. Gluten is my favorite food group.

Ditto. I'm constantly asking people about their goals and aspirations in the hopes I hear one I like and then it can be mine too.

Seriously. Where the fuck are my patents?

Hooray, and also condolences on your embarrassment. But hey, if that's really what's causing it, just stop — it hasn't recurred AT ALL since I figured that out and made myself quit.

I love the combo of macho pissing contest with a loose-leaf tea break.

Ron Swanson!

Almost none of the people I know that went to college are in a field that had anything to do with their degree.

"I'm Steve Kroft. Tonight on 60 Minutes: Ass Champagne Tastes FUCKING AWESOME. Later on, Leslie Stahl reports from Saskatchewan about climate change."

While this dad sounds like an irresponsible and creepy dumbfuck, I'm not against parents supervising parties with alcohol for teens age 16-20. If the kids are going to do it anyways, why not make a safe space for them to do it? Obviously this guy fucked up royally, but in high school and during summers home from…

I personally like my dudes with a little more meat on them... and chest hair. He also has like zero personality and is really stupid.

I feel gross about this, but I would. Even though he's wearing a fanny pack, and is awful. I am weak.