You either shut up or get cut up, they don't wanna hear about it.

Not with that attitude, we can't.

John? Is that you??

You're right, it is.

Really? But Clive James is a brilliant writer. Why did he misspell "its" like that? Was it irony?

With who?? Is it her boss? I bet it's her boss. They're always staying at work late and ordering takeout. Damn it! I knew it! But I guess I just didn't want to allow myself to admit it. Thanks for confirming. I'm going to confront her tonight about this.

He's not a creator, but he elevates whatever material he's involved in to the point where I would be willing to take a look no matter what it is: Patrick Stewart.

I don't know what beemo is, and also I have been wondering this in all seriousness: Are AV club commenters, to a man, 100% depressed celibate virgins unable to talk to women? Some of the comments I read on here are pretty sad. I mean, I'm a nerd and I got picked on in high school too, but people grow up. I have a…

Woddy Allen, Woody Allen's Welsh non-union equivalent?

Yeah, I am also surprised at how many people on this supposedly hip indie-cred with-it pop culture website are proudly saying they never heard of Mark Kozelek.

Ha ha! The poindexter is whining about his nerdy movie being remade!

That is appalling and a crime against art, but I have to admit the couplet rhyming "asscheek" and "last week" makes me chuckle. Then cry. Then chuckle again.

No it isn't.

"There’s bands like the Ramones that do so much with so little, but a person like John Mayer just does so little with so much."

No. You shouldn't be able to comment if you can't tell when someone is joking.

You are not allowed to have an opinion on music if you honestly don't know who Muddy Waters is.

Scintillating as fuck. I'm going to dine out on it for weeks.

We were on the Brandy Alexander portion of the evening.

I never watch this terrible shuffling zombie of a once-okay show, but it was on where friends and I were having dinner. The only part that was remotely funny to us was the Fault in Our Stars parody. Everything else was just painful and stilted and awful.

Sugarbeets!