A victim made of straw.

Someone who finally got their diabetes under control without going broke.

What’s the point of having your own theme park if you’re not even tall enough to go on the rides?

None of that happened, asshole. The child had absolutely no time to point anything, and was given no instructions. The cops simply drove up and executed a child playing in the park.

Wow, how long were you waining to get to use that one?

Seriously, I don’t care. Even if Planned Parenthood was selling dismembered fetus carcasses, I wouldn’t care. An aborted fetus is medical waste, sell it and​ do some good, if possible.

I buy all my baby parts at Planned Parenthood.

Fuck you.

Sergey Kislyak, the most forgettable man in the world.

Ah, so it’s Hillary’s fault? She was running a presidential campaign against an obnoxious orange turd and his horde of misogynistic followers, but somehow should’ve found the time to police her aide’s husband’s texting habits?

And we’ve already found a way to blame some women for an adult man’s actions. Fantastic.

Could we please have one day where there isn’t a crisis that is inflicted by this orange buffoon?

Well, obviously. Or he wouldn’t have had any guests at his weddings.

Cosmo Sex Article says it’s one of 10 Ways to Drive Your Man WILD in Bed.

I don’t know about you, but I was SUPER stoked to have a glorious day trip to Norwich, CT for an abortion. The protesters even made me feel like I was in an authentic, New England tourist experience!

Lincoln assassination… Obama.
Pearl Harbor… Obama again.
Spanish Inquisition…

Donald Trump thinks a “high risk pool” is when there’s a black person swimming at Mar-A-Lago.

Lochte would actually be an upgrade. I imagine at least that the human labrador has some compassion.

Nah, that’s just Pence.

When is this ridiculous orange fuck going to spontaneously combust?