“Overheard that only one employee had admitted to washing his hands”

That’s... EIGHT LOKOS!!! :-O

oh my god, that sounds horrible. two Four Lokos? i’m throwing up just thinking about it.

When I was 11 I went on a trip to Disneyworld with my family. Luckily for us, a shuttle launch was happening at Cape Canaveral one of the nights we were there, about an hour’s drive away. So, the night of the shuttle launch, after a long day of Disney-ing, we piled into the rental car and drove towards Cape Canaveral.…

But you sort of were bwing an asshole..

growing up my cat's favourite toy was those little circles of plastic you have to take off of new bottles of milk. he could swat those things around for hours.

Unrelated story about my mom, that I sense most Jezzies will appreciate:

but you don't mention whether she divorced her husband for running away. She divorced him for running away, right? Right?

And apparently men as well, given your trolling for attention.

I am going to come out to a lot of people here today because I feel I have something important to say. I am an Atheist. I was raised right by my momma and daddy. I have high morals, integrity, compassion, and much love for my fellow homosapiens. I respect everyone's religions and their beliefs and never try to…

Right? Holy shit, is she having a moment of clarity or something?

I didn't know Jenny McCarthy was capable of that level of self-reflection.

The wonderful Cameron Esposito had a number of great tweets today about Indiana's bullshit "religious freedom" law

As fucking dumb and offensive the idea of arm spanx is to me, I would wear them every day if it meant Ted Cruz also had to wear them.

literally working here is 80% either getting told that you care too much or too little about the kardashians so there's just no way i'm gonna try to apply any more effort to the matter

Definitely on my 'would' list.

No lie was spoken

He really is incredibly nice looking— those eyelashes *swoon*.

Um I think you meant first hottest member and also best singer and smolderer.