I'm sorry but people need to stop acting like beers have solid good centers. If I want a beer, I'm just going to rip it from your hands. Unless it is a kid or some other small percentage feel good story I cannot feel sorry for someone who didn't get to drink one of the thousands of beers that have made their way into…

I definately would advise against putting a slipping bag in the walking closet. Nothing good can come of that.

Each player took two shots and left so they'd get used to exiting after the second round.

OMG THAT MEANS THERE IS NEW HOPE FOR '50 SHADES OF BURT AND DOLLY'!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!! The universe is speaking to you, Hollywood film producers!! Listen and make art happen now!

I'm pretty sure that's code for "Charlie really had no idea how rabid, pathetic and balls to the wall crazy 50 Shades fans actually are, that is, until an unidentified midwestern housewife accosted him in a Los Angeles drugstore, handcuffed herself to his ankle and begged him to spank her with a horse whip. Charlie…

The heroine's so immature and inexperienced she refers to her genitalia as "down there. " Every time they have sex it's like he's invading Australia.

...not allowing him time to adequately prepare for the role of Christian Grey...

How much money ya got? ;)

Sadly we made eugenics illegal because it's rife with abuse. But exceptions... I can make those...

The worst part about this is that he exists.

What I really love — and by "love" I mean "have to restrict my teeth from grinding on each other in loathing, and also some fear" — is that it sounds less like you improvised that out of your own creative ladybrain, and more like you just repeated something you heard. Verbatim.

Reading this I'll bet the guy's dad thought, "the wrong son died"

I'm imagining an entire room full of sweaty, beer-breath doods in popped polo shirts pulling this shit, and I'm just exhausted. Vibrators exist so that no woman should ever have to endure this.

If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS.

This is pitiful, obnoxious, and totally inaccurate.

As Mr. Peterson well knows, there are no "7E's of HOOKING UP" for frat kids at Georgia Tech. There are merely 4:

(1) Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls)

I really, really hate people who can't recognize that sometimes, it's not important for other people to hear their opinions. If it's negative, unhelpful, and saying it implies you think that your opinion should be more important to the other person than it actually should, keep that shit to yourself.

the first two aren't that bad, but I felt they were important for context. then BAM

He's really doubled-down on the Prince Valiant aesthetic, I'll give him that.

BOMB! Me n my man wanna go as Die Antwoord, so I'm about to order myself a Pikachu onesie! Comfiest. H'ween. Ever!

I think I just got Asshole Bingo!