Harness fire and chill..

What Gwen sees in Blake is one of my biggest mysteries of 2015. (I hope she comes to her senses, soon.)

I never got left shark either! Like I got it...but I didn’t get it the way everyone else seemed to.

I don’t get the Kylie Lip Jenner obsession. She is wearing nineties lip colors and getting injections. It is not innovative.

Heeey. There are those of us who keep our holier than thou heads down at the meal, say not a word about your roast beast and graciously push a tiny slice of turkey around our plates;)

Hitting her bong?? You mean Miley Cyrus does DRUGS? COLOR ME SHOCKED.

Two patients stole my wallet on Monday and spent $1500, and tried to spend $2500 more. And I’ve never had $4000. But we had video of them and the it guys used facial recognition to catch them. And I saw the girl get arrested.

The Uptown Theater in Seattle is doing a sing along to Fiddler on the Roof, with catering of Kosher Chinese food!

Um...what?

Just got back from the company Christmas party. Involved barbecue, Dirty Santa, wine, Cards Against Humanity, and a contact high.

My revenge is planned. His (prank-hijacking coworker) b-day is in a month or so, and he’ll be 28. He looks kinda old, and i’m gonna get the whole department to sign a happy 40th birthday card.

Does anyone else struggle with it feeling like Christmas Eve rather than, say, just Thursday? I’ve got the decorations, the lights, the music, the works and yet, while it is indeed cozy and nice, it doesn’t feel like “Christmas.” Maybe this is just the cost of growing up?

My relatives are in town from Luxembourg. My 12 year old cousin, spawned from Lucifer’s left testicle, has been calling me Sasquatch since I arrived, and bullying my heavy set niece and nephew. I bought a Darth Vader PlayStation. Emptied the box, filled it with charcoal, wrapped it, and signed his name to it. The…

I am flying 100% solo tonight. Just me and a pizza.

My mom and aunties are going up to perform Mame in white boas at our Christmas Eve party.

My parents got divorced the summer between my Junior and Senior year of high school and when asked who I wanted to live with, I said “Neither of you.” My parents were real pieces of shit when they got divorced. Using me to get to each other, my mom straight up blamed the divorce on me. My dad was a giant asshole who…

Cats, you say? I’m not sure if you’re one of the people I’ve preached to about this (I tell eerrrrrrybody), but my favourite kitten and pregnant mum rescue/foster/all-around-awesome-TNR/Feral Awareness NPO, Tinykittens (https://www.facebook.com/tinykittens), recently got some new, Christmas-themed rescue babies in, of…

True but WORTH IT.

Yeah, but sometimes it’s kinda fun to embarrass them, especially when they are teenage boys.

I imagine she gets a lot of shit for anything and everything. She’s probably just fending the shit off ahead of time.