Welp. Looks like I have to go fight all of Instagram. BRB.

What the hell do people expect? You can’t turn a child on/off like a light switch. It’s such a pet peeve of mine when I see people giving moms/dads the stink eye when their children are inconsolable. Kids are people too and they will have massive fits. Just GET DRUNK.

Everything about you seems magical.

3. At a different one a couple years after that, told that they didn’t have the ingredients for grilled cheese

She was still hella bitchy about going out into the cold

Hello everyone! Happy Saturday from Izzy and her new sweater! She is OBSESSED with it!

Hahahaha! I have to be more careful, even the word butt is offensive to my family. It’s worth it to me to deal with, being the eldest with 12 siblings it’s been hard being seperated from everyone. The one great thing about not being close to my family - not having to hear all the hate and crazy shit.

Honestly, I just completely ignore it or just shut that shit down as quickly as possible.

Hey there, hope everyone is having a good Saturday (as much as it’s possible anyway). Just wanted to thank everyone for the well wishes and kind words for my dog Amy. She had a rough few days after her surgery but bounced back and is now her usual bubbly talktative doggy self. So, thanks!

I don’t work in one anymore but have vets in the family and now many vet friends so I worked for them for a few years while trying to be an actor (harder and less money but much better than working in a restaurant) : )

You clearly have never been on the DC metro. It’s not designed the same as the NY subway where you go down stairs and then are on the same level as the card machines and gates and train platform. Here, you go down escalators, then are on a level with the gates, then go down another smaller escalator to the train…

This is the most Canadian thing I've ever read.

How about you just move your lazy ass to the right side and let people with things to do walk up the escalator, that way everyone can be happy? Or are you always and entitled prick? Should I assume you also like to drive slow in the left lane, because “I’m doing the speed limit”?

a.

Shit. Hometowns are like parents, it’s okay for you to talk shit about them, but when an outsider does it, the first reaction is a defensive one.

I bet this was the same guy eating the loose turkey out of the package.

He unfolded a wrapped package of supermarket deli turkey and was eating full slices, sometimes shoving and entire slice in his mouth, sometimes biting off multiple pieces of a slice. Really jarring stuff.

Piss would’ve completed the trifecta, but that and a woman menstruating would’ve completed the cycle.

I was in Atlanta on business and took MARTA instead of renting a car. I had the worst head cold of my life and could not smell anything. I was coughing up a storm. About 5 minutes in to my ride I noticed people were staring at me strange, almost with fear. This went on for about two stops until a nice Asian lady came…

When I lived in NYC, around early 2004, I was taking the L train back from Lorimer to the East Village. On the same train car, no exaggeration: Homeless man walks into center of the L train, drops his pants and takes a shit on the subway car floor. No one even batted an eyelash.