According to yesterday’s report, gin is endangered. It’s like drinking pine-flavored pandas, you monster! =P

And that is the story of how Trump began building his own clubs.

Exactly. Plus, all variations of the serving intoxicated persons criminal statutes have different lists of “visible intoxication indicators” that they go by, but they have one thing in common, that they require proof beyond a reasonable doubt of intoxication. You can definitely be over the legal limit but not be…

Internet lawyers, popping up like daisies in the comment section these days.

The people have clearly spoken. From now on we expect only the most sterling examples of humanity, only faultless tales of innocent virginal waitress waifs intent on selflessly improving humanity through tireless unpaid drudgery being scurrilously abused.

Why do people need servers to be heroes?

Truer words were never spoken.

The server is a goddamn hero for getting those idiots off the road.

I’d say drinking irresponsibly and then driving drunk is shittier.

But you got meat in my red.... That’s not the same as getting red in your meat!

IF I SAY IT ENOUGH TIMES, IT MAGICALLY BECOMES TRUE!”

This would have been my bet too. Someone’s cousin’s girlfriend’s uncle’s roommate put an eye out once with agitated Pepsi, so they heard.

I was 17, had just graduated from high school, and was trying to earn money for college. After two hellish weeks working the salad bar at Burger King, where I sliced my fingers more than the tomatoes,

I guess money walks and bullshit talks...to the cops.

Each mention of soup somehow cobbled molecules of soup from air and fairy dust. Another five minutes and she’d have whined a bowl into existence!

Aw, c’mon now, don’t give the chihuahuas pointers on how to piss on our shoes.

That’s disappointing but not surprising. Celebrities live in a David Copperfield-esque magic land where things just poof into existence for them.

The ‘meat vs defeat’ argument was last Wednesday.

How dare a server bring the customer what they ordered!

You’re excellent. Let’s have lunch.