English-speakers seek convenience over everything else.  That’s why Brits and Yanks mangle names so easily.  

You’re trying to justify making that street-corner-slut carbonara again, aren’t you? Honey, if it has garlic and cream in it, it’s not carbonara. (And do not get me started on the abomination known as American Alfredo Sauce. Sometimes I wish Italy had access to nuclear weapons...oh wait, they do).  Oh, and for the…

He looks like someone fucked a donkey, felched it, then got a naked mole rat pregnant and he’s the end product.

This.  Times a billion.

No matter how he does his hair, no matter how well he dresses, he’ll always look like that one fuck-off-you-creepy-bastard character that you find under that one flickering light in a crappy RPG.  

Not me, but Mr Biblioteca’s father sent back his salad when we went out for dinner one year. He asked the waiter if he could get his salad without spider dressing.

The way I was taught was that you cut the cheese with the blade and use the prongs to manoeuvre the cheese sample away from your thieving shitehawk wee cousin and then use the prongs to poke their chubby wee hands repeatedly to teach them that cheese crime does not pay. Oh sure, the fat wee fucktard may have only been…

Dude, that’s only a fraction of one of Spain’s most incredible islands. If I wanted to genuinely stun a Mallorca-newbie, I’d fire off a salvo of the Cuevas del Drach, or the Serra de Tramuntana. But I won’t. But what I will say though is this: when you do go to Mallorca? Don’t stay in Calvia. A lot of tourists choose…

The wee darlings! Let’s get them to pronounce this properly...!

*sigh* Meanwhile in Britain, we had this...

I’ve trimmed back a fair amount of cow and pig from my diet and, to be honest, once you’ve not had oink or moo for a while you don’t actually miss it. Don’t do the expected “this tastes and feels just like steak!” crap because, well, nothing ever will taste just like oink or moo.  Same with the feathered…

To all the wee Instasluts out there - fuck off with your artistically-arranged fruit and vegetable bowls. Just dish it up like any of us fucking plebs would and show us that, you moronic fucknozzles.

See, I don’t get a “vomit” taste from Hershey’s.  I get this weird...plasticky/waxy taste to it.  

Heh. Always remember one of my mates in New Zealand literally seducing an American boy by saying “You think Hershey’s is good? No, this is good” and practically ramming a Whittaker’s chocolate bar in his gob.  Must have been good - they’ve been married since 2004, LOL!

Too complex.

But it’s fun!

“ she saw that there was a $5,705.70 charge from the Gaylord”

Oh and I forgot to add - if you go there in summer and you get a fancy to, oh, go hiking across what is admittedly a relatively small island? Take plenty of water. My dickhead father thought he could do it no problem (he was a Royal Marine! He was used to fifty mile hikes and runs!) and the combination of heat, sun…

It’s not a fair comparison. Valencia is a city, whereas Mallorca is an entire island. But if I was to be pushed, I’d say Mallorca. Mallorca is just...gorgeous. Sure, there are the tourist hotspots, such as the hyperdeveloped Calvia region (where you find places like Santa Ponsa, Magaluf and it’s next-door neighbour,…

I know.  My family used to live in Mallorca and we went through Valencia quite a few times on the ferry.