Got it in one.  It’s not even a bear, more like a collection of overgrown pubes covering up his Southern Inbred lack of a chin.

Just put a bullet between his eyes.  We’ve got no use for this fucker.  Just exterminate him.

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“Siri, show me ‘how to lose your dignity’ and make it fruity!”

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I’ll have you know bruschetta is a real dish, tsk!

Ah, that’s a shame.  I feel you always get more bang for your chook with chicken thighs.  Especially if you’re making something like a casserole or a pie.  I know that I can get a kilo (round 2 pounds in Elvish measurements) for £2.00 (around $2.78 American) as opposed to £3.80 ($5.28) for a pack of chopped chicken…

Oh dear, you don’t know where I’m from, do you?

I’ve heard Americans mispronounce Italian words a lot. My favourite is bruschetta. How fucking hard is it to learn how to pronounce a word properly, eh? Just like spaghetti and meatballs, brooshetta doesn’t fucking exist in Italy!

Wonder what’ll be new on Star...

Who would call it Mozzarell? New Yorkers, that’s who. And do not get me started on the correct pronunciation of bruschetta. Oh, there’s some bullshit about how “Italians drop vowels all the time!” - bullshit, doublewides, bullshit.

This is how you ended up with Trump, people.  All of those shitty additives and god-knows-what rots people’s brains.  

One of my family’s traditions is that when you move into your first place you’ll always be given those little canisters for tea, sugar and coffee but you’ll also be given a red canister and a blue canister - the red for baking powder, the blue for bicarb.  Depending on which side of the family you’re on (namely, my…

Mozzarella is highly popular across Europe for more than just pizza toppings. If it is used on pizza we don’t chuck it onto a pizza with the Buzzfeed-esque mantra that “cheese = flavour!” - it’s really used quite sparingly. In fact, here’s a video to show you what a proper pizza looks like:

Just because Americans don’t do dignity post-2016 doesn’t mean the rest of the world follows suit, dear.

Oh, look.  Lazy racism’s here and it’s got itself a neckbeard too!

Fuck off with your racist attitude, Doublewide, and take your cultural appropriation with you.  

I have the exact same reaction to Campbell’s Mushroom Soup.  Projectile-vomit even.

IT JUST DOES, ALLISON. IT JUST DOES. STOP ARGUING, GET IT TEMPERED OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’M TURNING THIS CAR AROUND!

Yay Sohla, boo that balding hipster prat who fucked up carbonara and never apologised for it!