THIS is why we need more guns in schools.

Carpet is so gross.

Forgive my ignorance on the matter, but don’t you have to be married in order to be a “housewife”?

He’s an alcoholic

Frank Sinatra, Jr?

I will cry at my wedding, knowing all hope is lost

Yeah, sure, tell that to Beyonce.

Men are just so non-butch these days. Harken! Those days of masculinity call!

I would love to live in a world where watching someone piss in their mouth was the strangest/foulest thing I have ever seen.

As every teen knows, pencil movements totally prove the existence of demon spirits. I mean, evil loves terrorizing through, um, pencils.

Always remember (as I point to the seat of my pants): Euripides, Eumenides