She posted updates and selfies throughout the weekend.

AOC showed up for us while Ted Cruz and Ken Paxton *spits on ground twice* absconded to Mexico and Utah during one of the worst weeks in the state’s history.

What makes the joke pop for me is that she gives Miette such an overdramatic and vaguely French speaking style. If Miette said, “Did you just kick me like a football? You should go to jail for a thousand years!” the joke wouldn’t have worked nearly as well.

Some of these sandwiches seem like they’re just trying too hard.

I really want to partake in the fast food chicken sandwich wars but unfortunately I already know what happens when I eat one of these. The sodium levels are so high that I develop an unquenchable thirst that lasts for hours. Genesis 19 man, Lot’s wife. I get you.

Come on now, we’re Texans.

I can’t explain it. It just resonated with my experience with cats. I move the dog over with my foot and she’s all “ok, sorry mom, clearly I was in your way” but touch a micrometer of a cat’s fur with your foot and you’re going to get a look that’s exactly what she typed. 

Her most famous tweet to date still may be when she plainly asked The Paris Review Twitter account, “So is Paris is any good or not.”

I love my husband deeply, but the older I get, the more I empathize with sugar babies and gold diggers. I mean, I just get it as an option, LOL.

Even if she did marry this guy for his money, who the fuck cares? It was her choice. Shit, I’ll marry an old-ass billionaire right now. Next order of bidness... write me into that fuckin’ will, yo!

I think you mean, “it certainly can’t hurt”?

You don’t. You eat it at 4 AM, when the rest of the house is asleep and you stand in your boxers before an open door bathed by the non-judgmental light of a refrigerator. The cold air teases goosebumps to the surface of your skin. Crumbs tumble down your chest hair and gut to the floor - the dog will get them later.…

It’s a local chain, but I recently found out that Burgerville (Portland area) has a really good halibut sandwich. It’s a little pricey (I think 5.99) but it’s halibut and the tarter is surprisingly good.

You could build a custom setup where you have a phone, tablet, and laptop all open to The Takeout all the time so you can quickly zip between them depending on your immediate needs. Eventually we’ll get all this stuff on a chip and plant it into your skull, which will make it all much easier. Please be patient, though …

I requested this be a slideshow for a sort of meta joke: listicles and slideshows are such a big thing in digital food media, and writers and readers love complaining about it. But if it’s an essential “evil,” why simply submit and whine? Why not take the form and turn it into something unexpected? What if we took…

Pizza comment (doggerel)

I worked with Shelley Duvall in the 90s. She was a true delight: eccentric, sure, but really sweetly so, and definitely intelligent and compos mentis. She was a lot like her character in 3 Women, but smarter and not self-centered or deluded. And she talked a lot about The Shining, and wasn’t as kind about Kubrick as…

My long history with weird old recipes and long frustrating career in restaurants leads me to believe this is a recipe from a Greek owned diner or the like.

This is actually how Mr. Levy and I got our shit back on track after a very tough time in our marriage. Being intentional, checking in with each other, communicating how we feel to each other. Do we have weekly scheduled conversations and ask each other how we loved or supported each other using scripted sounding…

This doesn’t sound exhausting, it’s sounds like making the time to nurture your relationship with the same care and responsibility you put into your job. Imagine that???

Marriage isn’t easy, and I’m glad that they’re being open about the effort they put in to make it work. Too many people pretend that their…