My son used to have night terrors. They are absolutely terrifying.

Yeah. It’s kind of stream-of-conscious. I’ll try to edit it.

I’ve been waiting for this because last winter something happened to me that really freaked me out.

Please don’t let this be the Jeep Pickup. Please.

I’m a fifty year old dad and I do NOT have Mall Cop in my top ten movies. Stop the hate.

That was beautiful.

I would never wear this, but I love this shirt:

Lucky Charms are awesome. Leave them alone.

Lawsuits are weird things. Okay, her privacy was violated and the person who did it is a scumbag and needs to be punished. But $75 million? In contrast to that, my brother-in-law was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver and his hip was shattered (as was his dog, Griff...she’s fine but needed surgery). He’s 55…

Ten bucks says he goes through downtown Chicago at 5:30 PM.

Now fire Haden.

I thought Peter was enemies with Captain Hook. But there’s an Indiana Jones guy named James Hook? Does he become a captain when he kills Blackbeard in the next film? This looks as bad as that Oz shitfest with James Franco.

Here’s a trailer. Looks good:

It’s embarrassing when it snows and we get just over a dusting and my wife tells everyone we got 8”.

That kid has a serious drinking problem. He needs to get sober before he gets himself killed.

Okay. Wisconsin. Your football team isn’t that great.

Why wouldn’t you just say Northwestern? Your football team looks really good this year.

I don’t understand why the cops weren’t called after the first shove.

But...but...it has to be served on Subway bread. And there’s something wrong with that bread, man. Something very wrong.