Having never seen this show, I agree with this list 100%. I’m sure had I even seen one episode, this list would be shit.

Actually, Ashton, there are three types of people when disaster strikes. The two you mentioned and 3. Celebrities who aren’t helping but want to appears as though they might.

I worked at David’s Bridal Home Office. I wasn’t to far from the customer service reps.

If my girlfriend’s cheating on me, what will my wife think?

At first I was all “get the pitchforks!” But the more I thought about it, the more rude I think those people were being by leaving before the Valedictorian got to speak. The principal was obviously distraught over having caused the situation in the first place and she lashed out at the first group of people she saw.…

I think they’re pretty funny. I find the Charmin Bears to be grosser, always talking about absorbency.

It is.

I commute from Columbus to Chicago every weekend and it is horrifying how often I see people speeding like that. There is no need to drive that fast on a crowded highway.

I love these guys.

This is at Seven Springs in western PA:

I move my mouth away from the mic to breathe.

goddammit. Please don’t make me be a fan of Miley Cyrus. PLEASE!

Richie Blackmore desperately wants to be in a band called “Fey Blood”.

So Snookie’s trying to smoke and JWoww is all, “Yo! Don’t be touchin’ Snookie when she’s sober!”

Fine. Will you marry me, or what?

He’s so stupid. The Angels don’t play at Fenway.

She needed to shut up for a second. None of those cops were paying her any mind until she walked TOWARD them chanting, “You need to stay away from me. I don’t feel safe.”

That first law I can kind of get. If the fetus can live outside the womb, then it’s kind of a baby.

Damned if you do...