a customer could not enter a McDonald’s and order just a slice of cheese

Going a little fast there, buddy. Where’s the fire? *Points back at police officer’s car.

I wonder how many of these people are as passionate about something actually important, like voting next Tuesday...

So, so, so, so listen up, cause you can’t say nothin’
You’ll shut me down with a push of your button

I was initially going to write something internet-appropriate about how it doesn’t matter what the song is about, but then I read it and that’s a really good story, so that shows me.

Effing A, where are you looking for dates??

I saw some thing on Twitter that the problem was that people were scrolling the button when the machine was showing the wrong screen but. You dumb fucks. That is not user error. That is your machine is shit error. Wait let me find the tweet so we can be mad at it together…

The Secretary of State’s office called it a “user error” caused by people not slowing down to “double and triple-check” their ballots.

I hate watching home shows where the couple wants a room close to their kid room. Trust me as a mom with teens that stay up later than we do: take the bedroom that's the most isolated in the house for yourself and get a baby monitor. You're welcome. My entire upstairs is our room and an office. There's zero reason for…

Mailed bombs don’t kill people. People who open mailed bombs have a death wish and willfully desire to be killed or injured to gain fame and notoriety.

Honestly, I thought there’s no way it could be THAT OBVIOUS. I don’t know why I’m expecting subtlety and complexity still in 2018. The correct answer is the dumbest most blatant answer. 

Me:

I did not divorce my husband because some rando radical vegan told me to. Food is personal, I don’t tell people what they should and shouldn’t eat.

ugh. I don’t eat animals and I want to stay far away from most other vegans for that reason. Apparently if I’m not telling other people what to eat I’m doing it wrong. My favorite interaction was when I was told I should divorce my husband because he still eats meat.

lol... kudos for finding something worse

If he lived in the US, he would have attended the next town council meeting with a duffel bag of legally obtained assault rifles.

Actually in San Francisco, someone has to report you (usually someone living in the neighborhood, the regular meter people don’t care). Then they send someone to mark your wheels. 3 days later they come by and see if you have moved. If not, they put a yellow notice on your windshield which is your official 72 hour…

“Cannon works!”

nothing wrong with having one’s package peed on. be glad you get it for free and don’t have to rent out some Russian hookers.