Y’all don’t know what it’s like being male, middle-class and white. It’s a bitch if you don’t believe. Listen up to my new CD. (Sha-mon)

Why is it “female pilot” instead of pilot? Think about it.

+1 antler

So this is where the buck stops.

Even if they catch him, he’ll probably still get off.

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it’s cold as hell. And there’s no one there to raise them. If you did.

You’re just realizing this now? Most of my friends died in a fireball nearly 65 million years ago. Those that survived turned from terrible awe inspiring beasts as big as buildings into robins and sparrows. There clearly is no god.

I think Clint is way more into Joanna than she is into him. He’s just smitten with her and she’s all, hey, can you make it an 18 foot custom table out of old growth mahogany by Tuesday? And he looks at her like the heart eyes emoji and says “Sure, Joanna! Anything you want, Joanna!” and then she goes back to her…

I love candle drama.

Is David O’Russell the low-cost Irish scab one hires when one can’t get David O. Russell, like Senor Spielbergo?

Lauren your friend is slightly creepy.

Would watch

That girl doesn’t look like anybody. Hell, she doesn’t even look like herself, she’s that blank.

This is the alternate timeline where Ivanka Spears and Jared Timberlake fall in love, which causes tension within Jared’s former boyband, N’Word.

It would be much funnier if we weren’t going to get sucked down with them.

I’d just like to point out that the Best-of “Love it” video turns surreal around the 11 minute mark with half the frame going bonkers—faces melting down the length of the video with a repeating “tee tee tee” audio loop of Paige.

Bootleg-hypnotize

Sometimes, people from production would stand outside your room, when you’d think that they didn’t know you were up. They’d whisper, “You have to get him back to Buckingham Palace. The Royal Family’s very upset. They’re not happy about the show. It’s this new thing they’ve never done before, and they’re trying to be…