Lauren your friend is slightly creepy.

Would watch

That girl doesn’t look like anybody. Hell, she doesn’t even look like herself, she’s that blank.

This is the alternate timeline where Ivanka Spears and Jared Timberlake fall in love, which causes tension within Jared’s former boyband, N’Word.

It would be much funnier if we weren’t going to get sucked down with them.

Mariah Carey Eats Two Things, and Only Two Things

No Buffalo Bills fan has ever had a physique like that.

“International Federation of Bodybuilding president Rafael Santonja”

Ha! I call them “Newport Beach Housewives” since I used to see them all the time around Fashion Island. I’m just jealous since it’s been my life’s goal to be an overly-gymed Newport Beach Housewife. I’ve been failing miserably at it. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m not making myself available enough or if it’s…

“Like I would ever. Psht.” - Donald Trump, pitching a tent

No, Rilo Kiley is.

As someone who is currently having a house built in a “master plan community” I can tell you that contacts can definitely dictate what the F you do with your own home.

That was pure poetry, and I especially like the “bonus Jonas” rhyme, but I'm not sure I know what any of it means.

I think he’s dialed down his style. This is what he looks like when I’ve seen him:

Don’t forget that the Brother Lovers also have their own bonus jonas.

I’d just like to point out that the Best-of “Love it” video turns surreal around the 11 minute mark with half the frame going bonkers—faces melting down the length of the video with a repeating “tee tee tee” audio loop of Paige.

Bootleg-hypnotize

Sometimes, people from production would stand outside your room, when you’d think that they didn’t know you were up. They’d whisper, “You have to get him back to Buckingham Palace. The Royal Family’s very upset. They’re not happy about the show. It’s this new thing they’ve never done before, and they’re trying to be…