This is a bad lawsuit and the lawyers involved should feel bad.

Let’s not be xenophobic. These are the closest things to aliens we probably have on our planet, other than James Carville. Is this how we will respond to actual aliens, if they look all freaky deaky to us?

-gate is for your parents’ scandals. This, obviously, should be known as DickieLeaks.

Did you know Gates played college basketball?

Hey, I know people keep calling this guy Elite, but he gets into all sorts of trouble when he gets out of the pocket.

I’d only take it so I could learn to play it badly and then follow Trump around singing “Bravely Trump ran away, brave brave sir Trumpy”

I admire his commitment to being a recalcitrant ass.

If only he could evade tax collectors nearly as well as he avoids defenders...

“Our best player wants to be paid the type of money that good Premier League teams pay their best players? Why, that’s outrageous, we should clearly sell our best player instead.”

It’s truly shocking that they aren’t winning titles, let me tell you.

I bet Furillo would be taking a different tone were Jaleel White.  

He also post-dated their final paychecks for after the championship game.

This will gain steam for a few years until bowl sponsors start bitching about not having the best quality of games and the NCAA will bow down to the almighty dollar and figure out a way to force players to play.

Nick Saban has responded by spending 20 minutes silently assembling a rifle in front of his players while wearing a T-Shirt that reads “FUCKING TRY IT.”

Tom Osweiler is not a good porno name, pal.

If one could make a hybrid of the two, it would have the best porn name ever.

Maybe we just give Obama four more years. That way both parties can try to get candidates that will actually appeal to voters.

Edibles?

That’s why when my girlfriend asks if I farted I always respond with “now?”.

That’s what I tell my wife when she thinks I dutch oven.