If Britain and the US took these refugees, this story wouldn't exist.

1. Go to vet school

On a side note, I don’t know what it is about the French, but they do make WAY BETTER horror films than the schlock the US film studios put out.

Seems plausible. I mean, OJ was just trying to stab his helmet when those people got in the way. It got blown out of proportion and basically ruined his life. As a result, years later when was innocently trying to commit armed robbery on his helmet, and some jerks just happened to be in his path, poor OJ ended up…

Dammit. With an infallible excuse like this one on tap, we’re bound to see athletes wearing helmets anywhere and everywhere in the future.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! The Cowboys only take players that hit women and only after they’re drafted by Carolina. If anything he’ll be barred from being drafted but will sign as an undrafted free agent with someone like, oh I don’t know, the Titans.

The underdog story of how a little known kid from a community college got drafted by the Dallas Cowboys.

this is a reasonable take, no sarcasm intended

If I was on that crew I would say that the game was over and the team that schmuck was on had forfeited.

Pretty sure the greatest joy in life is felt when leaving Oklahoma.

You’ve obviously never been to Stillwater.

You mean, over leaving Stillwater or wherever the shit they are in Oklahoma?

[Knows history, is not actually Irish]

(Last time a Cardinal beat down on the Orangemen this hard, the Troubles restarted)

I never thought she did it until I saw this picture.

Did you by any chance go to San Fernando Valley High?

My junior year in high school, my English/literature class read The Metamorphosis. We were supposed to put on a skit about it, which in retrospect is kinda ridiculous, but whatever. Anyhow, my group did “James Joyce’s The Metamorphosis,” in which Gregor was turned into a giant penis.

+1 metamorphosed bear

+1 Von Miller head shot