The Ryan brothers sit in the corner and wait until they spot a woman who has drank to the point where her defenses are as weak as one of Rob’s, then they pounce.

“You know what I like.”

I have a severe concussion that I’m still not out of. An hour after the incident that caused it, I called the Police because I was unsure of where my dad was because I’d picked him up for dinner and he’d wandered off from my place.

I’m just glad the Jupiter Police Department officer noted that it was his Jupiter Police Department patrol vehicle that he repositioned. Otherwise, I might have thought it was a Wayne County Sheriff’s Department or Department of Homeland Security vehicle.

Just start your kids really early. Then your wife can never complain that you drink alone!

The trick is to drink a little bit everyday. Even if you don’t want to or your wife starts to cry.

“Renegotiating a contract or breaking up a partnership? Go to legalzoom.com, your one-stop shop for at-home legal services! Now to the Subway Fresh Take Hotline, brought to you by Progressive...”

Deion too, I was just thinking off the top of my head, which is admittedly often pretty empty.

Last finals was the first time in my estimation that he showed that Jordan-esque will to win...

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people. 

That wasn’t a double flagrant. Hodor shot free throws with no one on the lines because it was going to be UNC ball whether or not he made them.

I spent my entire weekend calling in rules violations to the LPGA, so it was nice being able to take this game off. Good job refs.

how amazing would it have been if they rolled the ball inbounds and UNC ran away from it to avoid an incidental foul and UK ran away from it hoping it would go out of bounds, and millions of people just watched with bated breath as a ball slowly rolled 90 feet in anticipation of whether or not someone would…

*takes a drag of cigarette, exhales*

It started when those shithead santas levied a 45% tariff against toys made in the south pole, as a punishment for mattel and hasbro moving manufacturing jobs there. Attacks against penguin immigrants in the north have been on the uptick ever since the christmas collapse of 2007, with the North Pole government blaming…

How coincidental, Triple H will be our bond rating after the Trump Presidency.

WMU coach Steve Hawkins went on to say he was disappointed to be losing a player who was clearly one of his best shooters.

He is busy trying to talk me into a ShamWow, but once he gets back to the shelter, he will return your call.

I mean....a penalty by rule  but I’d stop short of saying a HUGE blow to the head, and I woudl. I’m no Cowboys fan, but I’m kind of ok with THAT kind of play being let go with the game on the line.

I love self-defecating humor!