“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

In closing, we only have about 3 weeks left

Bayatpour: “Schlemiel!”

Our middle school had a rule that kids couldn’t wear sweat pants (it was the late ‘80s), and 7th grade me thought it was so stupid. I asked my Dad, who was a principal at an elementary school, why, and he just looked at me and said, “Boners.” There has never been a more obvious answer to a question.

Man, people that go to Harvard just can’t seem to catch any breaks

Turkeys very well known for chasing children yet dumb Obama pardons one every year. Is weak on turkeys, many fowls laughing at us. I will be strong. Butterball stocks up!

WTF, no opinion on diagonal staples? So much better, and less chance of tearing.

I happen to support her. I think this is an act of performance art. She is deconstructing social norms of privacy by juxtaposing the urban landscape with her return to an animal-like existence in which she defiantly refuses to be defined by the trappings of modernity. Are we human because we poop on toilets?…

You’ve really got to stop trying to fuck Cousins like that.

“Bougie white people” is really what’s going on here. It’s the only reason the legality of it all isn’t under closer examination, guaranteed. I just had dinner with the folks and a family friend I drink with occasionally and appraised them of this burning issue, they were too shocked by the legal leeway being given to…

Play was suspended for the rest of the day due to a making it rain delay

Coaches were at a loss to explain whose fault the play was, since the players are all nice boys from good families.

Lax Bro TOO Lax, Bro

There’s no defense for what Erdogan is doing to Kanter. And if there’s anything Kanter understands, it’s that.

Q: What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

He blew a .00 or, as John Daly calls it, .3 under par.

“I regret that any action on my part can be interpreted as promoting the use of alcohol,’’ he said. “That was certainly not my intention.’’

All the best movies in the next year or so will be named NounVerber. Snowpiercer, Foxcatcher, Doghumper, Bumstabber...