It looks like he can actually see the headline and is super bummed about it

This is basically what 85% of NE Ohio looks like. Except he's missing his CPAP machine.

Well if that's the case, he definitely won't be missed in Seattle. Things will change in New York, where Geno Smith will definitely miss him plenty of times on a weekly basis.

Nick Foles is just one of many reasons the Jets lost this game.

I don't know if I'd want to live in a world without a buttfumble.

Not pictured: TCU blowing a 21 point lead in the 4th quarter

Bailey's Irish Cream should come with a warning that it curdles when mixed with ginger ale. Sadly, it does not.

what the fuck is wrong with white people?

The answer: everyone benefits! An adversarial system has many merits, which you can read about here.

Those Cardinals fans love dominant pitching, but will gladly settle for three Ks.

Yeah yeah, whatever. Can you tell us more about this "chair testing" gig?

I should have specified I'm a Titans fan.

What? They are not Super Bowl contenders but they have been in every game and are .500. I'd be pretty stoked id I was a Browns fan right now.

Strange, usually testing their piss is more accurate.

I learned long, long ago to not give dudes on OKC my actual number until we've gone on a few dates. All it took was me one guy freaking out and threatening me in 100+ texts to get me to adhere strongly to this rule.

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to get these kinds of messages, ladies. Sometimes you have to wait months or even years to find out you've been dating an asshole, but these guys just let you know right away. It's practically a public service!

He is the actor version of John Mayer.

I'd just like to say as a woman, and a faithful Deadspin reader and sports fan, that the vast majority of commenters here throughout this debacle have been insightful and dare I say, enlightened.

Didn't. Learn. Anything.

Ray Lewis: There is no comparison of me and Ray Rice. I'm far more similar to Aaron Hernandez.