Jesus. I started crying when I saw them tie him down, and just lost it the moment he had a physical reaction to the tube. Seriously, I can't even look at a picture of him without crying now. I am absolutely shaking.

Oooh, mine too! He likes to get drunk, call me, and leave a voicemail along the lines of, "You love your stepmother more than me. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't even be in this goddamn country (I'm adopted). All of you only want me for my money. Well, joke's on you, because none of you are getting anything.…

Oh, God. Fuck PETA.

"Blinkers people, blinkers! Thy were put on your car for a reason, so USE THEM!! #roadrage."

Nope. It makes you AWESOME. Golden Girls references are the best, and will always be the best. My goal is to become Sophia!

5/8! But only because I tried to base it off what bits of clothing I could see him wearing, and make judgment calls about when what was in fashion. I just totally blocked out his face. Because it was unhelpful for the quiz-taking purposes.

Oh, God. I also didn't like Bridesmaids. Actually, I turned it off. I've never finished it. It just didn't seem like a good use of my time.

Do you remember that one "scary" story when we were kids? About a person that adopted what they thought was a street dog from Mexico, but found out was actually some kind of weird rat?

I mean...I think it is. I hated Talladega Nights. I don't think I ever saw Old School. I did like Zoolander. It wasn't even so much Will Ferrell that I liked, but the supporting cast.

Or at least don't add the like, 50,000 inches they ask you to add. I mean, I'm assuming modern bra manufacturers still account for this TOTALLY UNNECESSARY MATH when they make the bras. So with my 30" band size, I can mostly get away with 32" bands, which is like, a 2" difference. Not 4 or 5" like I see a lot of…

Don't add inches to your band size when you're measuring under your bust! I used to do that all the time, and that meant I was "supposed" to be wearing a 34, even though 32s felt too loose (I'm really a 30, but those are hard to find in smaller markets without shopping online!). Turns out adding inches to your band…

I absolutely lose it when an animal dies, or even almost dies, in any movie. I have watched most of them only once, like Old Yeller, Bambi, etc. The Great Mouse Detective scared me (I think they almost got smushed by clock gears?), and I haven't watched that again either. I STILL start crying during Homeward Bound…

And it's not even really a sample size of 3. It's three different variables (meth use, crack cocaine use, and diet soda use) with an n of 1 for each. I guess if you generalize to acid-containing substance abuse they can claim an n of 3.

Nope. I love me some soda. I don't have a 2 2-liter/day habit, but I will have a couple cans if they're in the house. I try not to keep them in the house all the time, but the vending machine at work takes credit cards now! It's bad.

I usually just Kohl's it. They carry a lot of brands, including brands that run small (a problem for me—many fancy bra stores have lots of options for the well-endowed, but fewer options for my mosquito bite boobs), there aren't any employees hiding among the racks ready to jump out and start shoving bras down your…

I have intense love affairs with semicolons, parentheses, and ellipses. I probably overuse all three, but you can pry them from my cold, dead hands. Same goes for the Oxford comma.

Ooh, more advice. Maybe. It's possibly cynical and bitter, because I'm a little cynical and bitter.

I think my grandma just uses her plain old bras and shoves a fabric pad in, which she's had forever and actually looks homemade (I have never asked, but I have a suspicion that she sewed it herself). On occasion I have seen her using tissues or paper towels instead. It doesn't work well. Her insert migrates all the…

I mean, plenty of kids drank in my high school. But everyone went to the post-prom thrown by the senior parents. It wasn't mandatory or anything, you just had to sign in, and if you left early, your parents got called. People were welcome to leave and go drink if they wanted, and considering many of our parties were…

I see a lot of comments along the lines of, "Swearing indicates a lack of creativity and an appallingly small vocabulary." Which I personally don't believe. I swear plenty, but I also think that I have a large vocabulary. I mean, you don't have to believe me, or you can assume that I'm overestimating my own knowledge,…