“What did you do today honey?”

“Oh, I investigated a baby. For terrorism.”

I’d like to know how much money was spent on time and resources to pull off that genius move.

The more she owes them the more they’re able to sue her for. They’ll never get the full balance, but it’s worth their while to get that full balance as high as humanly possible.

Sometimes I see celebrity amounts and think of what a normal person could do. For instance, that 50,000 that her credit card debt has increased this year ... would have paid my student loans a few times. If I were to get my grubby paws on the 50,000 today, I’d pay for a healthy percentage of a (fly-over state) house.

It…

This is completely comforting and assures me that his motives were 100% pure.

No, no silly. He owns stock in the missile company. You use the profits from the missiles to pay for gold leaf. For private dwellings. Don’t want to share the gold with the dirty brown people.

They weren’t white, but Jesus was white. And so is Santa. And if Santa isn’t white, we’re bombing the Poles next.

It was a tasteful bombing. Sixty would have been gauche.

Look, it doesn’t matter who I killed, just that you remember I killed them bestly.

Right? Because you know if he says he’ll always hold love for her, which is what normal people get to say, then it will be all over headlines.

When I saw this statistic reported on Twitter yesterday, it was embedded in a Tweet which read:

“I’m uncomfortable with 30% of the American workforce being homophobic.”

This essentially sums up my feelings.

She gave them a speech. He gave them a cabinet. In light of it all, i don’t mind that speech.

I went to high school in a Republican state, so I had to google the reference ... and here I was thinking I’d been original.

Adding a new line to last week’s SNL skit. “BUT I SIGNED YOUR INSURANCE PAPERWORK! WHY WON’T YOU TOUCH MY PENIS?!”

Can you imagine the fallout if all women who didn’t have rich husbands stopped having sex as their form of birth control? I imagine we’d begin to legislate that, too.

Even broken clocks are right twice a day?

Winston Churchill.

I don’t see the point in continuing to rail over the candidate that was put forward, you don’t see the point in wishing the candidate I was behind had gone further. We’ll just have to agree that neither of us likes what is happening and leave it at that.

Did you mean to reply to me or GTCvDeimos?

Cool story, bro. Remind me again how that’s going to like ... solve .... literally anything?