But there's lots of lentils in Sondheim.

But not the billions or the repeated arrests for vandalism and General stupidity, right?

I know that Naomi Campbell will always play Naomi Campbell, but I would still like to watch the casting auditions. Specifically, I would like to watch dozens of aspiring young Naomi's throw phones and hurl invectives.

Just because.

Of my grandfather's favored daytime television shows, Judge Judy is hands-down my favorite.

There's another sassy judge who comes in second, but it's still a big gap.

It's ok if you say it on the inside. And quote passages anonymously to friends over drinks, in the privacy of your own home.

I say this because I have a running Word document of ridiculous exam answers and essay quotes that I look at, when I'm sad.

Note to future and current employers: all the names and identifying…

I heard that if you put the painting in front of a mirror with all the lights off and the shades drawn and say, "I did not have sexual relations," three times, you get a coupon for free dry-cleaning.

... seriously, though. Biting the hand that feeds you, much?

Now you're just starting shit for the fun of it.

"Honey, you go out and don't you come home until you've made a sex tape. I don't care if it's a school night. Go out and get business done."

I did poetry, too, but thankfully, we did not have a poetry class.

I wrote "Never Getting Back Together" before Taylor even knew what boys were.

I'm pretty sure all readings are dramatic readings.

I'm also fairly certain all copies have ceased to exist, except in the horror of my memory, and possibly VHS.

It would be like that. But with a Top 40 hit.

I cannot confirm or deny this.

When I was in high school, I wrote an entire play about my boyfriend dumping me. For whatever reason, the drama teacher thought it would be a good idea to put that piece of shit on stage.

I still cringe with embarrassment when I think about it, and it's been well over a decade.

Taylor. Katy. Learn from my mistakes. Cut…

She has long-running issues with rape-related topics. I want to love her column, but that tic of hers makes it hard.

Meanwhile, on Slate, Emily Yoffe wants to know what the big deal is.

I work retail on the weekend and you just improved my fifteen minute break by a factor of 4,000.

Read the last chapter? Read the last chapter to meeeeeee .... It's the weekend and my brain has the day off.

Editing goes away fifteen minutes after you hit publish. That baby's up there for good.

If unions exist in the area where I currently live, I am unaware of them.

I'm presently part of a "two-body" problem, and am the extra body. We're working on it, but if things don't improve, I'll likely try to transition into specializing in students like the ones that started this conversation. I really enjoyed making…

I definitely defended and left the campus ... for my shift at the mall.

This isn't the place to talk about that, but thanks for the kind words.