I just know this is how mine will rebel.

Cracked has gone from a lame, Mad Magazine ripoff into a really interesting website.

I grew up in the UK, but I work in finance so most of our staff is foreign, and lots of Americans come here to work in the City (and vice-versa, lots of Brits go to Wall Street). It never fails to amuse me when people put that they were a member of Sigma Epsilon Alpha or whatever on their CV (Résumé). I was a member…

Ladies, I cannot stress enough how important a nice, tight casing is for your kielbasa. And if you aren't using the mustards I recommended, I will stop you and apply them myself.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.

I have two friends that quit their sorority because they were being expected to do these kind of 15 hour days and my friends were like "umm, we have school work to do. Get harder majors or pick up a minor or something slackers."

The fact that these girls don't know that French manicures are now thought tacky makes me question the whole Panhellenic system.

I don't think anything will ever top the cunt punt letter.

It's for the mouth part of your face.

Caftans are going to come back in style no matter what the fashion industry says because we won't be able to wear anything else! #TeamCaftan

Aww yiss. I'm about to get my gallbladder out so I can eat fat without feeling like I'm dying soon. PERFECT TIMING.

"....wait, is that an actual law in the Wacky Midwest?"

Word. I want to know who picks up a fucking Heath Bar and is like, "WHAT? THIS HAS CHEMICALS? I THOUGHT IT WAS 100% ASPARAGUS FROM THE EARTH AND EARTH SEEDS OMG!"

I will never forgive Ben and Jerry's for massively fucking up the single best ice cream they sold: Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. In their push to source "non-GMO" ingredients, they switched it to Coffee Toffee Crunch and it now tastes like metallic sand from a fucking oil drilling site. It's awful.

WAIT.

Seriously! Two pints!

Thank you for explaining cookie butter because I kept thinking it was a misspelling of cookie batter.

Considering I have sucked dick for free, I would say this is an upgrade.

Retail for a pint of ice cream is a little low for what you're offering. Have some confidence in your value!

When everyone begins veiwing tipping for what it truly is (business owners shirking their responsibility), tipping should go away quickly*.