yeah, it’s late and I kinda spiraled out at you.

Tonight, on SyFy: SHARKBERG VS TITANIC!

How wonderful for you that this is a purely academic exercise. For far too many of us, it’s not. And it is endlessly tiresome to have the worst moments of our lives treated as thought exercises—though I’m sure you’ll bristle at this word, it is the epitome of privilege to discuss the worst moments of others’ lives as…

You’re right, there is no incentive for trying to mitigate the harm you’ve done and be accountable for it, other than your own integrity and being able to look yourself in the mirror.

In this moment of abusers being outed left and right, there is no “general discussion on the nature of the bad guy trying to make amends.” We are in a cultural moment that is not a thought exercise, it is real people’s ruined lives and ruined careers, and I am so tired of seeing men (I don’t know you’re a man, but I…

You asked what victims want and I gave my perspective.

I really, really disagree with this. I think that if you have done something truly awful then you should spend the rest of your life making amends and probably never forgive yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself, but it does mean recognizing the impact of your behaviours.

I feel like people (including a lot of survivors) have been all over this thread telling you what they want and why Harmon’s responses were inadequate and yet you still keep harping on about some bullshit.

I will literally never forgive my rapist. What he did is unforgivable and is something I will live with for the rest of my life. Anyone calling me vindictive or petty or unhealthy can go fuck themselves forever. I don’t believe in forgiveness culture and I want no part of it.

As someone who has survived abuse, I’ve learned that taking people at their word can be a dangerous thing. Actions are what I look for above everything else.

Making amends is not about your own relief. It’s about being accountable for the harm you have done.

What is wrong with being vindictive when you have been deeply wronged?

the realistic alternative is that no one is responsible for Harmon’s suffering but him. no one forced him to do what he did to her, that was his choice. He will have to live with the fat that he did that for the rest of his life, and yep, therr are consequences. The lesson? don’t act like a lecherous jackhole twat.…

for some people, there isn’t. for others, there is. but in no way is closure “oh you did something really fucked up but it’s ok, we’re good now.”

oh my god y’all are driving me goddamned nuts. SHE JUST FINALLY SPOKE UP ABOUT HER HORRIBLE TREATMENT AND HE FINALLY SAID SORRY AND YOU IDIOTS LIVE IN SOME MAGIC WORLD WHERE OH NOW EVERYTHING CAN BE BETTER IF SHE WANTS IT TO. fuck that, and fuck anyone who thinks that. y’all think “closure” is a moment in ti.e that…

with this kind of emotional abuse (and, frankly, ANY damage, emotional OR physical), the choice to accept any amends is always, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS up to the injured party. ALWAYS. and if that is never, so fucking be it. The injurer has no rights to shit in that situation. If the injurer wants to make peace with it,…

Christalmighty! I’m so sorry... and I’m so sorry you didn’t push him into a nearby open grave while he was there.

I know, this whole website is plagued with people who reasonably and respectfully disagree with each other...I mean, the nerve, right?

You are missing nothing. Go on with your bad single self, give the finger to expectations, and move on confident that you are better off single. Believe me.

There’s probably nothing wrong with you. You’re just you. The only problem is trying to change yourself for other people. If you change, do it for you. The relationships will come naturally after that point.