I have some experience dealing with someone (not a parent) who is so willfully disconnected from reality that they just don't understaaaaaand why you're upseetttttt what did they do wronnnnng can't we talk about it? And fine, you summon your backbone and your patience and you explain it clearly and simply. And your…

It was basically either a hanger or auditioning for Dancing With The Stairs, wasn't it?

I initially misread that phrase as "pain capable unicorn babies".

Whelp, I was going to hang out in my sexy sexy sex pants (stained in not one, but two places with Nutella) and watch season two of The Fall while my daughter is at a sleepover, but I guess I'd better change. Perhaps I can find some non-lustful dungarees somewhere. I mean, it's just me and the dogs here, but you never…

I could because, bruh, like, people who MATTER have seen his screenplays. (He talks like this. He also has an awesome dick and eats out like a king. And drives to see me all of the time, so I put up with the rambling..)

A British blonde woman in her 20s who was crew on a cruise ship that was in my shipyard for a week. Embodied every horrible stereotype about alcoholic British women in their 20s. Rude to every waiter and bartender that night (I think I tipped everyone like 40 percent out of embarrassment), the ultimate II'MMMMM…

Luckily I somehow fixed my picker. It took a while, but current SO has a legal job, hates Nickelback, is not racist/sexist/homophobic, does not seem like the type to stab himself with a fork, and you know has not yet asked me to move in with him or marry him within weeks of dating him (which is a really weird trend in…

Not my story at all, but my cousin once fucked Vanilla Ice. He looked like this at the time (complete with that vile goatee-thing):

I texted a friend during to make brunch plans.

I actually winced when I read that last sentence.

Pretty sure we've all banged Guy with a Guitar, if not Barefoot Guy with a Guitar or the close relative, Hacky-sack Guy with Nice Eyes.

Doesn't say much for dads, either...

Mmmm...taters...

I bought me and several other people Chinese food, and used the leftover money to buy a pair of shoes I always wanted.

I know it was meant as an insult, but FREE MONEY!!! What did you buy?

Yeah, she's only 18. We all banged embarrassing people when we were 18. Her time will come.

were you supposed to buy sex lessons or something with those $200?

A guy whom after causing so much drama at a party, by drunkenly hitting on all my friends and kissing several who were already in relationships, left me something on the desk in the morning after we had sex.

My high school boyfriend (who was slightly eccentric/a *creative* type) didn't wear shoes around our school's campus for 2 weeks to toughen up the soles of his feet to he could run barefoot (barefootness: v important apparently) dressed like a cave man and 'abduct' me in the woods (abduct: throw me over his shoulder…

Thank Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Zarathrustra, alcoholism, Rohyphol, whoever, because I know I've had sex with at least a couple of sketched out motherfuckers I wouldn't spit on if they were on fire, but I do not remember them. As in DO. NOT. REMEMBER.