“There’s a lot of women out there that demand that the husband act like the wife...”

Doesn’t it seem like what Trump really means when he says “make America great again” is “make me feel like a big man”? Like, on most objective metrics America is doing better than before, and on the ones where we’re not so great (rolling back access to abortion providers, rising income inequality) he doesn’t actually…

GET BACK IN THERE AND...

I can’t believe THAT guy got FOUR women to fall in love with, and want to spend their lives with him. He looks like he's literally pained when he thinks.

I kind of read the exact opposite from this statement. It feels like Alexis’s brother was being very careful in his use of language and was very respectful of Alexis’s preferences/wishes.

Holed up in the new campaign headquarters, Donald Trump could not be reached for comment.

As someone who was routinely chased and attacked by the neighbors dog throughout my childhood (you know, because there wasn’t a problem...until it attacked me so horribly my dad had to beat it off me with a golf club), fuck these people. Your civil responsibility to your fellow man outweighs your emotional attachment.

Have you ever actually tried to look for a Long-size swimsuit?

Another long-waisted grumble here.

Fellow long-waisted person here - the struggle is real. I want nothing more than a cool one-piece that doesn’t destroy my vagina and drag my boobs down.

they may have changed their mind and may be doing something different, but I’m not necessarily interested in doing a television show

People are always all ‘Ooh, it must be so lovely to be tall!’ No, it is lovely to be tall if you have long willowy legs like Taylor Swift. It is not lovely to be tall if all of your giraffiness is concentrated in your torso and you have to spend your whole life yanking tops down and bottoms up because no waistline is…

too many razors. boy shorts 4eva!

It can’t be overstated how poorly Lauer did as a moderator. He let Trump speak mostly uninterrupted with bizarre, fact-free monologues like these. Whereas when Clinton spoke, Lauer interrupted her actual answers about a half-dozen times.

Jesus fuck. This is the longest SNL cold open ever.

If only Steve Jobs had loved chemo, we could ask him.

I mean, as Jewel said: “As a feminist, I can’t support everything that’s being said tonight, but as somebody who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted.”

I’ve been waiting for this very crash & burn from Coulter for 20 years. Don’t take my candy, it’s so delicious.

“A monster of a human being. The worst person I’ve ever worked with in my life.” - I don’t know, that sounds kind of generous.