Gas stations sell hard liquor? Damn, some states have it good.

(And this is coming from a Chevy fan)

If you said xenophobic, they would probably think that meant somebody who doesn’t like the Alien movies.

If you want a reasonable argument - your kids are always worse off by not existing. Because you do not have kids. So no kids exist. So no experiences can be made. Are no experiences really better than good and bad experiences? If you want to be reasonable you can’t seriously think that your kids would only have bad…

She was fined 30,000 for not wearing Bose headphones.

They learn these tricks at Davos breakout sessions.

+1 you’re not my real dad!

She only had those earmuffs on because she was afraid Phil Simms would be the color commentator.

Some sports babies haven’t reached the separation anxiety milestone yet. My current 1 1/2 year old would have been meltdown city, but her 7 month old self? Whaaaatever. You wanna hold me? Cool.

Very advanced baby. Already tuning out daddy/patriarchy, very woke.

Guess which one Fox & Friends has already announced as the winner.

Some babies are just good, you can take them anywhere and they sleep when you put them down and they giggle all the time and when dad has to grab the Lombardi trophy you can hand them off to their boss without worrying if they’ll thrown a scream fit. Clearly this is one of those babies.

The love that I have for my children is the most powerful thing I’ve ever experienced. But every day I want to apologize to them for bringing them into this dying world.

If that is all you take away from it, you’re doing it right.

Today, you became American

Sounds like you’ve got the jist of it.

I’m from Sweden so the only thing I know about american football is that I fucking can’t stand Tom Brady

For Town and Country!

I was expecting the clever use of “Dart” and was disappointed...other than that, the journey of your comment is a of a high caliber.

Instead of watching The Big Game tonight, I think I’ll study this Big Cadillac.