The sound of quiet disappointment is one that middle children know instantly.

How can you hear the sound of someone shaking her head?

BTW, this is all rooted in this bullshit perverted evangelical Christianist belief that sickness and misfortune come from sin, so essentially sick and unfortunate people bring this on themselves. The Prosperity Gospel is a lie from the pit of hell.

So many of my comments in real life and here and elsewhere on the web boil down to “Jesus, look at this fucking asshole right here”, and I mean to one day change that and cleanse myself of this all-consuming hatred, but Jesus, look at this asshole right here.

Counterpoint: juice is good because it can make margaritas and screwdrivers.

I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT QUESTION. I SAID: 🎶 MAYBE 🎶 MAYBE NOT🎶 MAYBE 🎶 MAYBE NOT 🎶. NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH NYAAH 🎶 NEENER NEENER NEENER 🎶 😝😝😝😝

Leave it to fucking Republicans to think that the second amendment (and their grossly ridiculous interpretation of it that has resulted in millions of unnecessary deaths) is more important than the first. The first amendment is first for a reason, dickbags.

My mom and I took my nephew to the aquarium once when he was about 3. He was in his little stroller and while we were stopped on the corner waiting to cross, my mom and I looked away for literally 5 seconds and he got out of the stroller and was walking into the street. Luckily there was only one car coming and driver…

Mine have done this a dozen times. It’s gotten to the point where the moms in our condo complex have an understanding where all kids are lectured by everyone when they do not respond and other kids are dispatched to find the missing in their “hiding places”.

Some lady told me that I should reconsider sleeveless tops because my arms are getting kind of “manly” lately. I told her that she should really reconsider telling other adults what to wear because it might cause someone else, someone not so fucking pleasant, someone not so just gosh darned interested in cake and NOT…

My parents bought one of those child-leashes because I had a tendency to wander. When I saw it for the first time, I became very excited, because a leash meant we were getting a puppy!!! Imagine my face when they put it on me...

I found a baby once. He was toddling down the sidewalk wearing nothing but a diaper. I was maybe 22 years old and was like WTF. I was lucky enough to see a police car, so I flagged them down. They didn’t seem surprised at all. They were just like, thank you for the baby. We’ll take it from here. We know him.

I lost my kid at a farmer’s market for maybe five minutes and almost lost my mind. I told him that when he heard me yell, “Coco Jr.!” the correct reply was, “Here I am!”

Earlier this week my two year old got away from me outside, ditched his noise making accessories and ignored me as I ran dementedly around the property yelling his name for fifteen minutes. I was about ten more minutes away from calling the cops to request a search party. Now he’s on outside time lock down until he…

Shameless brag thread: I finished 2nd out of 79 women in a triathlon today! 

Send us a signal if you’re being held against your will, girl.

Wayne LaPierre also had some interesting words at the NRA convention:

Honestly — I sailed through Y2K and the ensuing decade an a half (plus) laughing at the survivalists stockpiling years’ worth of food and water, tin-foiling their houses, and stocking up on guns and ammo.

Sorry to hijack a Shade Court thread, but I’m so fucking excited about this and I figured y’all would want to see it, anyway. ;) My new tattoooooo!