Shake Shack has gotta be the place to break into, if you’re gonna cook yourself a misdemeanorburger. You might even find out what’s in that Shacksauce, but they I’d expect they’d lock you up in the deepest dungeon for life with a ballgag permanently in place.

Can we get Band-Maid over here now?

Sucks for parents who can’t find evening sitters.

She got a glimpse into its cold, dead future.

Except...she doesn’t show her flaws, nor does she accept herself the way she is, and neither does her husband.

The m&ms will only come in white, cream and pearl, the brown & black have all been removed

I stuff my straw hats with potpourri and hang them on the lightbulbs

surprised to hear this wasn’t spirit airlines.

Great idea, everyone should eat candy bars in such a way that afterwards they look like they just performed in a scat film.

Your hair needs work, you can’t sing, your band are out of tune and spamming your pub band in a thread about a desperate woman risking serious injury and death to herself because she’s been denied basic human rights in the form of birth control is frankly, a fucking DICK MOVE.

Every picture of him is a dick pic.

You know you’re in trouble when Nik Richie is the voice of reason.

I have American family, and the biggest difference that I can see between us is the whole gun culture. Canada has lots of gun lovers, but the culture around it is pretty different. Also, from visiting the US I think protestant christianity is more on display there.

In most states, you can call *77 on your cell to get in contact with the highway patrol in the area. They should be able to relay your intention to the officer following you. Check on your state though, as some use other numbers. You should also turn on your hazards, use the right lane, and travel at normal speed.

I would be a dick to someone who told the entire world I was mental, too. Like, uhm, no dude. Honestly, Burt and Jon seem like two peas in a shit pod. This is all I got for those two.

I could see how it could be distressing for the poor goanna. “Why is tree moving and making loud noises?? What is red sap?? This tree WEIRD!”

OMG Don’t say that. I like to think shelly is somewhere on a beach in South America, sippin on a marg and living with a big dick dude who makes her empanadas.

and current Jackie O

I’m still so young, so I’m just having fun.

I appreciate toilets about 7x more than I appreciate men.