Trust me, the world will tell her she’s not thin enough - regardless of what she actually weighs - sooner than later. There’s no need for someone she loves to tell her what other girls, guys, magazines, and movies are already shoving down her throat on a daily basis.

This is a story about a magazine named lucky...

“Please light it on fire on the stoop.”

This is the truest truth. I actually come easier and much harder from vaginal intercourse. But if a guy doesn’t attempt, without prompting, to mouth schuck my giggle oyster I'm pretty much done.

Is cameltoe an Illuminati symbol?

Maybe a world where gorillas can tell us how much they like kittens is worth keeping around after all.

If she listened to the ghosts she’d hear they were saying “Your wiring is fucked, get it sorted before your house burns down”

I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.

First of all, this woman doesn’t understand her own damn religion, because by their own standards, the Pope is going straight to hell for being and idolater, so.

this is not a sex injury.

Tom Brady and Donald Trump; two assholes infamous for their pathetic, saggy balls.

Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season

For some reason, my mouse doesn’t work with that website.

it me

Dudes call your fucking homies out when they act like this. Make him look like the asshole that he is. When one of my girls is being a horrible bitch to someone I let her know full stop. I’ll be like, “look you have no right to treat anyone like that. Now go eat some pizza and take a bath or something and get fucking…

Oddly, the actual toilet is shaped like a giant coffee cup.

No, I heard it’s a dump.

Just countin’ down ‘til Pumpkin Spice Latte time.

I promise you that electric blue is mostly MAC’s Deep Truth. I’m sure there are other things thrown in there but I recognize Deep Truth the way a mother fur seal recognizes the call of her lost pup from an entire island away. I’d be willing to be there’s some Plumage worked around the outer corner, but Deep Truth.…