Plot twist: he's swiping through Grindr.

Truth! The good stuff always finds its way to later generations. :)

Mine is "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want."

Your songs ain't got shiz on my sad jam. This helps purge my tears. Somewhere Out There - Film Version - An American …:

The Smiths' I Know It's Over

I'm kind of writing a post on my parenting blog about this song. I was listening to the Back to Black album and said to my husband, "one day our daughter will find this album and cry her face off because she's broken up with someone." Then I emailed a friend to arrange her son marrying my daughter so they don't have…

I once saw a very drunk, very confused young man trying to stick a beer bottle up his ass whilst crying. I was at a party and went to an upstairs restroom, only to see that monstrosity. When he saw me, he didn't stop, but just stared deeply and sadly into my eyes. I then gently closed the door and left that house…

Trust me, there is a reason I am spiking my work treats, and it is not because you want to join me at work.

That sounds lovely!!! It wasn't until I got out of retail that I found out what it means to not be under constant fear of being written up.

I love makeup. I have all the bone structure of a potato, but give me some bronzer and some highlighter, and I'm living in cheekbone country.

I was once at Peter Luger's (very old-school NYC steakhouse staffed mostly by cranky old men) with a girl who ordered her steak "very well done". It was all I could do not to burst out laughing when the elderly, gruff waiter put her plate in front of her and said, "And this is what was once a very nice piece of meat".

You know those cooks were jumping up and down on and spitting at her steak for an hour before cooking. Mmmmm, tender.

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

Monkey bar dating. Some people are terrified of being single so instead of breaking up with someone they stay until they find a replacement. Most people outgrow this stage sometime during middle school. Less mature, chicken shit individuals never do.

Oh, the job market is unfair and employers often give precedence to a particular group that you are not a member of? Well this is a great strategy for mitigating that. Next time I go to an interview, I'm going to pretend to be a man.

I babysat for 12 years. I am a retired mom, like a grandma, but 31. I raised ALL YO KIDS. And they were all better for it, according to their moms, who just didn't understand how their monstrous kids were all CHILL, HAPPY, and RESPECTFUL when I was through with them at the end of every day. Its because I never let the…

also, If your kid smears ketchup over everything, and drops half his food on the floor, clean it up. Or leave a big tip (something over 25%).

Oh how you make me giggle out loud.

You ARE the type of parent servers (and everyone else) loves!

Seriously. Please come teach a seminar to my customers.