Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest babies who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation passing gas, waiting for naps; slaves with white diapers. Mommy has us chasing toys and laser pointers, eating pablum we hate so we can make shit for our…

(Giving birth was a snap in comparison. As my 9 lb kid crowned, I turned to Mr Cherry and said “this is easier than the last mile [of my last race].”)

This makes me think of Patton Oswalt's accidental stumble upon an orgy when house hunting.

I think a lot of time parents are just so scared by everything, than going 'no vaccines!' gives this false sense of exercising control over their kid's health and development? Or they are weird. I worked for an anti-vaxxer once who - while otherwise educated and charming - believed herd immunity was antithetical to…

I had measles three times in a twelve month period and it was horrible. I just had to lie in a dark room, sniffling to myself, and at night I had to get wooly mittens taped to my hands because I scratched in my sleep. People kept asking my mum to have measles parties, but I was so miserable she said it didn't seem…

Yup. Herd immunity is like a nice, snuggly security blanket that covers those whose vaccines have worn off in the period before they realise they have worn off, those whose vaccines never took in the period before they know they never took, those who are too young to vaccinate and those who have immune system issues…

It's a small world after all

That beard is completely out of control! And that roller set on his "bangs" is a total failure. What a waste of tattoos and a British accent.

I had a dog who, when humping whatever (another dog, the cat, the couch, your foot) would continue humping after you pulled her off. It looked like a bizarre canine belly dance.

So right after a shitty break up this summer I hit up an old booty call from OKCupid. He was really cool, but the sex. Oh god.

Odd motions during sex can be a huge libido killer.

You're going at it and then your partner starts doing something weird, like making swimming motions with their arms, and your internal sexy time comes to a screeching halt as you try to process what the hell they're doing.

His name was Javier and I met him when I worked at the bookstore in college. He was super hot, but that's because all he cared about in the world was his body. Good for him! Good for him. But between working out and moisturizing and hair care and trimming and and and, there was...not much left. But super hot and…

I have slept with so many embarrassing people. I made a lot of poor decisions in my late teens/early 20s. I lost my virginity to a 16 year old drug dealer when I was 18. And then I slept with him again a couple weeks later because I thought it might make me feel like it was a thing and not just a truly horrible idea.…

This guy in the white. Because he was on the White Sox roster until he fought with the coach. He got caught with meth last year. He couldn't sleep without drinking till he passed out. Damn I was a dumb 18 year old, lol. Then I slept with his hot Venezuelan teammate (above) so win?

"Yes, I aided Jews," Bathily said in an interview. "We're brothers. It's not a question of Jews, Christians, or Muslims. We're all in the same boat. We need to help each other to get out of this crisis."

This man's words right there are the key to world peace. Right there.

Retail. Man comes into the store where I was working. Acts a little strange and shifty. I forget about him, because I have ordering to do. When I finished, I go to the back of the store to put some items away. Strange and shifty was on the floor with his pants pulled down. He was sucking his own penis.

I too am PMSing. I'm swollen and tired. Those assholes can fuck right off.