As long as I can still touch myself at the museum, we’re fine.

My takeway from last night is that I have severe Daddy issues because I could not stop thinking about Obama, Kaine and Biden in that way. Like yes, please! What does it all mean??????

Hey, isn’t that the girl who didn’t go to Paris?

My all-time favourite thing about Lochte is how the hosts on Good Day Philadelphia interviewed him, then burst into laughter/tears when it ended because he’s so boring and stupid

always.

If the FDA would like to recommend a better way to eat my feelings I’d love to hear it.

You can pry that cookie dough out of my cold dead e. coli-covered hands.

Chelsea and Aubry (and their pig) are my favorites. I don’t even care that she constantly speaks in a sexy baby voice...

LAST NIGHT HER BOYFRIEND REFERRED TO HER TWO YEAR OLD SON AS A "LITTLE CRYING BITCH"!!! JENELLE THIS IS WHY YOU CANNOT HAVE CUSTODY BACK!!!

This show is a guilty pleasure, which I’m appropriately embarassed about watching.

Everything about Jenelle is a mess, but she’s somehow less awful than Leah. But I keep scratching my head over Jenelle consantly enrolling in different classes at the local community college for medical career fields (first medical…

Barbara killin’ it with the frozen pizza and wine tho

I watch exclusively for Barbara and Leah’s ex, Corey. Corey’s top lip doesn’t move at all. I can’t find another show with a prominent cast member with a stationary upper lip.

This reminds me, in addition to my organic anal beads, it looks like my dildo garden is almost ready for its first harvest of the year! #blessed

I feel like if you eat 51 bananas a day, your bowels are FAR from regular.

You think you’re done, but you never are.

My attitude reflects my personal life trajectory

Minority opinion: I find James’ taunting of Jax endlessly hilarious.

Does anyone else think that Ariana has become SIGNIFICANTLY more insufferable by the day? I know she was supposed to be some sort of resident, “cool girl, laid back, IDGAF” chick but I find her to be SO irksome. She and Tom’s inflated senses of self-importance are absolutely staggering.

Bless this union

My reaction to Angela Kardashian as performed by Louis Tomlinson’s baby.