She is Renfield, he is Van Helsing.

Wut?

How many people checked themselves into a mental health facility last year for believing in conspiracy theories? How many people were found not guilty by reason of mental illness because they believed in conspiracy theories. If belief in conspiracy theories were truly counted a mental illness, then we as a species are…

Florida Man would have been snorting it.

Florida Man would have been nude with mousetraps hanging off his nipples.

The guy is a ghoul.  He’s getting off on the pain of others.

A conservative criticizing a conservative is a liberal.

Woke for Republicans?

I have 2 words for you:

Not to be a truther, but how old is that Zion pic?

Why You Insomniacs Should Always Fly the Red-Eye

Would it be worth it for him to win a second term to see him insist on a third?

Either the first cop was a woman, or Meatloaf’s been moonlighting.

Dude can’t help the bitchy resting face, but he could try to stop being a shithead.

Roc, Elf, Giant, Troll... <fetches the Monster Manual from the basement>.... A Knicks Coach with a winning record.

The scarf/headband and rings are accessories, not entire ensembles. Angus’ schoolboy outfit has passed into the realm of the iconic, like Col Sanders’ whites, Captain Kangaroo’s denim jumpsuit, or Trump’s too small tux.

Mike Pence ever stay at the Bates Motel?  Bet he’d find it mighty comfortable.

Meanwhile the narrator is saying how he’s reached the age where he knows how to take matters in his own hands

I used to do the 1-2-3 count with my kids, until my daughter, then 4, responded to my “Onnnnnne, Twoooooooo, ....” with a “Three, Four, Five Six, Seven!”

It’s not entirely clear what, exactly, set the president off this time