I JUST CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT HARRY AND MEGHAN BUT NO ONE IS UP. GET UP. DON’T YOU HAVE SPECIAL ALARMS FOR THIS SORT OF THING???

What job? First Lady isn’t a paid position with real responsibilities. It’s a sexist, thankless throwback from the days before wives were allowed to have separate lives and careers from their husbands and were expected to be a full time mothers and help-mates. I don’t have many nice things to say about Melanie Trump…

You saved me the trouble of typing that out.

She has one corgi, Willow, and two dorgis, Vulcan and Candy. She vowed not to acquire anymore but after the death of her close friend the groundskeeper at Sandringham earlier this year, she adopted his orphaned corgi, Whisper, a dog she knows and is quite fond of. I am not ashamed I know this royal dog gossip, not at…

can’t cross...a golf course

“I met my soulmate when he invited me to his house to do work and he made me look at his dick.” Said no woman ever.

You mean you haven’t seen the Hallmark cards under “Thinking of You!” that are just a guy, exposing himself?

Exactly. None of these women are like, “He asked me out on a date! How dare he!”

“I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings” is basically something I’ve heard a child molester say. (I had a brief training experience in a sex offender program during grad school. We had three guys in our group - two recognized that they had been wrong, the other was still convinced.) 

I feel like Charlie Rose is the living embodiment of a guy who tries to explain away his subscription to Playboy by talking about the quality of the articles.

i can think of a few

you just don’t understand how alluring a 75 year old flaccid penis is to women.

Okay already, we all threw Franken overboard the second these allegations come up. If you want him to resign, fine. He should resign. Just realize that if we let Franken go, without, at the same time, taking down Trump for his, at the very least, equal offenses, we will never take Trump, down and his accusers will be…

Paddington 2! I need Padding 2 to be released.

I know more than one lesbian who looks like Waldo. They’re pretty easy to find.

Lena Dunham is trash. She is garbage. No one should be surprised. Is anyone surprised?

And he’s never apologized to Anita Hill.

Fitting that the worst kind of Becky is a male Becky.

Listen. Having a THIRD baby shower seems a little tacky, but for people saying that Kim can’t have a shower because “she’s not even pregnant,” I just have this to say: fuck you very much. My daughter was born via surrogate, and I was a joyful and excited expectant mother even though I couldn’t gestate her myself. I…

What a selfish narcissistic dickwad of a man. “All these women are for me to do what I want with, this courthouse is mine to do what I want with, marriage is mine to define, and I really want to be a senator so I will.”