In 6th grade I was staying a bit late after school and when I got up to leave my male teacher asked, “What’s that on your shirt?” I looked - it was a red stain on the lower part of the large t-shirt I was wearing. Large enough to sit on. You see where I’m going. So I lie and say it was paint, family was painting the…

Like many little kids, I was a sugar addict. Like other kids with hippie moms and dads, I was also denied sugar about 360 days out of each year. Santa actually put carob in our stockings, and the Easter Bunny gave us almonds. It was a sad life, but I figured out how to sneak treats when I could, and I got fairly…

We don’t have a voice anymore, and Donald Trump is giving us a voice.

“You like soup? I bet you like soup.”

I want a Mrs. Hernandez interpretive dance number.

Listening to that Access Hollywood video about Donald Trump has made me clench so tight I am confident my uterus isn’t going anywhere.

If one more person asks why these women are just coming out now, I am going to take a huge period shit in their mouth.

I wished for an October Surprise. This is like a month of Halloween. Like, after a few days, it’s not fun, anymore. You ate all your good candy, you have a stomach ache, you have to figure out what to do with the shitty candy, and your parents won’t let you take off your costume or wash off the day’s old makeup.

Please clap

Why is Ghouliani appearing on Meet The Press, shouldn’t he be haunting a opera house somewhere?

The best, the most luxurious...

Absolutely. When you look at it through the lens of “he has a penis and she doesn’t”, it all suddenly makes a LOT more sense.

In 1972, which was not all that long ago, George Wallace was campaigning in Maryland when he was shot. Following this assassination attempt he went on to win the Michigan and Maryland Democratic primaries. McGovern went on to become the Democratic nominee and lost every state in the union except Massachusetts (and the…

I’ve thought about this; my best guess is: admitting Trump is ever wrong about anything is the equivalent of admitting that “I” was wrong in supporting him. It’s what happens when you identify yourself so strongly with ONE PERSON. Dangerous much?

It took me a moment but when I got it:

It’s so luxurious, you wouldn’t believe what people are saying about this stocking cap, I sent the best people to find my cap, they tell me this is the longest one anywhere, anywhere in the world you can’t find a better one than this, I was in China and other Asia and I see the stocking caps they have there, everyone…

my worst Miss U.

“Lord, give me the confidence of a mediocre white man.”