STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN. BUT PH BALANCED FOR YOUR VAGINA.

...Ok, but Old Spice deodorant is legit AWESOME. Wolves and mountains and “smells like cold wind, pine trees, and freedom” and all. IT DOES, OLD SPICE. YOU ARE CORRECT.

Edit: Can someone please, please take me out of the greys on this one? I swear I am very usually sensible and not trolly.

YES. First I hid my mother’s feed, then unfriended her, then finally blocked her. 10 a day would have been a mercy. She’s like.... 30 a day average, probably. Just sees something, clicks share. I swear she barely even reads them. As long as it starts with “Obama is ruining [...],” [...] could be Mars, or the…

How long do you think that first date conversation would go before the first “I’m not racist, but...” pops up?

Yes.
Have you ever read Manchild in the Promised Land by Claude Brown? It’s an autobiography. In it, he describes his first sexual experience. His gang leader wanted to punish a prostitute, so he had his guys take her up to the roof and gang-rape her. They made Brown take part as well. He was 11. And this was real…

I dunno if it’s as cut and dry as all that. I mean - it’s awful, absolutely. I’m just remembering that her brother can’t stand Josh, encouraged her to leave him, and offered to take her family in. I don’t know what his situation is, so maybe that’s one of those offers she can’t really take because he can’t really…

“I’m allergic to cats.”

Let’s stop with these crazy public proposals for 2016. How about a nice, intimate moment between two people for once?

Yeah... It didn’t go well. She was too humiliated. But that was back when I still gave a shit about her. I would never bother confronting her now.

She was using it herself.

Hah! Sorry, your mom is sounding like mine again. Mine stole my vibrator - the one she thought was sinful.

Seriously, maybe consider cutting her off. You have no idea how liberating it is. I have a couple articles on the subject of boundaries from an amazing advice columnist if you’re interested.

Yeah, my mom is also a narcissist. She started taking me to a shrink at age 10. Was also alternately convinced I was being attacked by demons. I’m 36 now and finally cut her off for good when I confronted her about the rape I endured at age 15 which she blamed me for. She responded by telling me I had made the whole…

She totally is. I think there are a bunch of videos of her on that channel if you need a mood lifter someday.

Depends. Can it somehow be made to fall under Stand Your Ground?

This is an awesome response. Thanks for writing it and I’m sorry for the mental energy you had to expend being pissed off enough to write it so well.
Here. This is my go-to “feel better about the world” youtube video these days. Hope it helps.

Aww maaaan. It’s like I always say: Everything that’s any fun is illegal, immoral, fattening, or causes hemorrhoids. AMIRITE

“The only way you would achieve a measureable figure in the calories burned farting is if you really strained yourself to the limit.”

So... fart really, really hard then?

Goddammit Mark. You owe me my joy back.