Fuck you, mosquito lover

I think that’s what you call divine intervention. DO NOT MESS WITH DOMINICAN JESUS.

I’m thinking life is pointless and meaningless. I’m thinking lunch. I’m thinking Arby’s.

No, wasps are NOT flying hell-beasts determined to kill us all.

Hahaha I didn’t even notice tablet auto corrects to Seinfeld quotes, his mudda was a mudder.

100% on board with this new way of spelling ‘muttering’.

And humans are proactively making them worse: “the report cites global warming and global overfishing (which removes jellyfish predators) as causes for exploding jellyfish populations in recent years.” http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/04/tra…

This is why you kind of shuffle your feet in the ocean and not take big, clumsy, land-lubber steps. Fucking rookies.

So my friends and I went down to spring break in Mexico and my roommate is so excited he jumps out of the car and runs straight out into the ocean. I check us in since I’m the only one that speaks any Spanish and I shit you not by the time I get to the beach my roommate is laid out in the sand with a bunch of medical…

I’m currently sitting in my office attempting to contort myself in such a way that I could reliably and accurately piss on the bottom of my own foot. It’s no easy task.

Jellyfish are brainless, soulless, godless monsters. Box Jellyfish will actually fucking kill you if you get stung. Good thing that your friend was able to supply vinegar and you didn’t make the mistake of neutralizing the sting by peeing on it, which will only make the sting worse and scar your child mentally as well

My friends gives us vinegar

We should send trawlers with nets to round up all the damn jellyfish and then dump them in the Hamptons and on Martha’s Vineyard where they can do some good.

Counterpoint: People’s feet are assholes.

There were a few times when you could see her take a breath to compose herself - she’s a magnificent speaker and you could really see the gravity of her mission and now passionately she believes in it.

I also thought she looked choked up. I think she just gets it - as someone who has helped break barriers already, seeing a woman she and her husband trust and have worked with, do it AGAIN, and to know the impact that could have on her daughters and little girls around the country and the world, that means a lot to…

Was it just me, or did she look/sound a little emotional when she said the line about her daughters being able to take for granted that a woman could be president? I don’t know why, but I wasn’t expecting that from her. Not because I don’t think Michelle would care about big milestones in women’s achievement, but just…