Was this the VP debate? I’ll miss Obama and Uncle Joe so much. :(

This would be an amazing episode.

Holy shit you are a very negative person.

I have never been on a cruise but I feel this way about all-inclusive resorts. When I was a totally cool kid in my teens and 20s I thought it was so lame that people would want to be a “tourist” in a resort and be catered to, as opposed to a “traveler” visiting all the gritty places the locals hang out.

In my mind this was some sort of magic ostrich that would magically appear once a week and chase you, but never catch you . . . I feel weird now.

I have this going on right now with my boss who is in her 60s. I fear that one day she will figure out how incredible easy it is to figure out all Microsoft and Google programs and will no longer consider me a wizard.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?

You can really get away with skimming this one.

I know a woman who self-published her own (terrible) book on Amazon and then proceeded to give it very obviously fake reviews under different names for the next couple of months. This TOTALLY reminds me of that.

Oh my god. First laddie. I LOVE IT. I’M MAKING T-SHIRTS.

Been there, done that, moved on to in-house practice where I wear wtf I want. Ugh, fuck cranky old sexist judges.

Are we going to call Bill FMOTUS? FGOTUS? I like them both.

Oh man. As a 33 weeks pregnant lady I am so mad at your stupid ass coworker for you. Tell her to keep her face covered.

You should probably know that I saw Frosted Donut Cap’n Crunch at the grocery story yesterday.

Yeah dude. Add an egg and some frozen veggies and that is still acceptable lazy person food as far as I’m concerned.

Suddenly everything about you makes sense.

A lot of people’s premiums went up b/c their insurance got better. It was so bad before the ACA that it didn’t meet the minimum requirements after the law passed.

But . . . what about when it’s hot out?

Dude. Help people with their bags if you see them struggling.

Nooo always dress up when flying. I swear every bartender and flight attendant has treated me better since I started doing this. Put on a pair of heels in the airport and suddenly you’re the Queen of Fucking England.