Nice try, anyway. :/

And stay close to chubby kids.

YES but contacts are mini safety goggles that keep your eyes from watering when chopping onions. So there’s a trade off there.

From the moment you apply for the bar you give up certain rights (freedom of speech and privacy are the first that come to mind). Your first amendment rights are absolutely affected when you are performing your duties in a courtroom.

I once had a judge in North Dakota tell me that if I ever wore pants (as opposed to a skirt suit) in his courtroom again he would not allow me to appear. He was kind enough to let me proceed that day b/c it was my first (and incidentally most humiliating!) time in his courtroom.

Actually going 2 weeks past your due dates leads to the kids being undernourished, which is why they induce women by 42 weeks now. So really his kids would have come out all yellow and shriveled.

Have you ever met a person who had a baby? Registries are very common.

No, caring about your daughter does not make you a feminist. But watching your daughter go through all the bullshit that women go through CAN make you experience empathy with women that helps you to become a feminist.

I am seeing this in the comments and it is so frustrating. The end result is more important that a fucking purity contest.

It’s pretty asinine of you to assert that you know how every man who becomes a father to a daughter will react to it.

Every liberal you know should have looked at some polls.

That why you pack your liquids bag w/ little bottles of booze.

She definitely got a fuck ton of wine charms from her mother in law for like 10 years in a row for xmas and couldn’t think of anything else to do with them, so now she’s selling them as “towel charms.”

google can

This is the grossest fucking thing I’ve ever read.

I learned this lesson last year when I brought a nasty stomach bug back from Mexico. We had a mesh metal wire trash can in the bathroom and it did NOT do it’s job.

Right? I googled his age when I saw this pic and I’m definitely skeptical. Most of my friends are around 35 and none of them have that level of eye wrinkle going on.

It’s a pretty harsh shade and combined with the craaazy highlighting on her face . . . it’s a stark fucking picture. I feel like I need to squint to look at her.

I’m surprised by all the unsalted butter hate. I only buy unsalted butter. If I want salt on my buttered items I’ll add it my goddamn self.

this gif is so funny and so sad.