“See, I usually only play the first two days of the tournament, so you divide all my times in half, and I’m not even close to the top 10 percent.”

White people in Philly immediately became terrified upon learning a large black man owned a Gunn.

how could anyone support a President who put Dijon mustard on a burger, rose a tan suit, took off his jacket in the Oval Office, played basketball and used a selfie stick? The horror! Now, treason, that’s perfectly acceptable. 

Is it pronounced ‘Yum’?

It’s wild that “running down the field with the football and not being tackled” is the most useless skillset in the NFL now.

After 3 weeks, Melvin Gordon tired of being a Sans Dinero Charger.

To be fair, any contract with the Orlando Magic was going to be D-League.

St. Pauly Shore on the other hand keeps talking about weasels

That reads like a burn on the MLS and a complement at the same time.

““It’s so easy for us to blame and shame because everyone has a voice now,””

Imagine framing “everyone has a voice now” as a negative. 

An inexperienced coach needs a reliable brain trust around him.

“It missed the zone by 5.23 inches”

You sweet summer child. 

I think “pulling off the ol’ double moochy” is what got him into trouble in the first place.

I can’t believe the Patriots went to all this trouble to beat the Dolphins.

I reached out to Antonio Brown for comment, but succeeded only in getting my arm wet in the toilet.

The 13 fans in attendance were stoked.

What idiot called it Jalen wanting to leave the Jaguars and not Ramsey Boltin’?

It’s odd how the confluence of solving homelessness and paying college athletes are both blocked by the same problem; people unwilling to give others money for something they feel they haven’t earned. 

I did. I read a dumb post that made a grand assumption that voicemail is widely unused. It was a post that voiced refusal to use the very tool that is an easy access brief solution to their complaint. The irony is you went out of your way to point out a refusal to use the very thing that would largely solve the…