When she sits at the piano and Carole King can’t fucking believe it:

My grandpa found a high school class ring in a restaurant parking lot back in the 80s. He played guitar and sang in Mexican restaurants for a living and he was playing at this place pretty regularly at the time. But the owner was a jerk who my grandpa knew would just pawn it, so instead he held onto it and checked in…

(For the dildo shaped controllers)

Dr. Cox: “Look... First of all, it’s not like you tripped and fell into her... and then out of her... and then into her... again.”

To use a classic, I’m not here to make friends.

I mean how do those people even know the inanities of her life???

They take up less space? I have a teeny tiny linen cabinet and a giant 20” queen size mattress, so my sheets are huge. Balling them up takes up way more space that folding them.

Spoiler-he could see love better than any of us. Let's set it at christmas.

God kills an infant to teach the parents a lesson, which is that they should love God more. The God who just killed their baby.

I’m retired, and got nothing better to do. I will move there and work 12 hrs a day. Let me know. Just open near a KOA so I don’t have to buy a house.

Makes you thound like you have a lithp.

I hear Eddie vedder singing it

Hot Take: Ethan Theroux is a terrible name because of the repeating th-sound. Try saying it fast!!

it’s going to burn a lot of gas to get there, but i would like a double helping of sin, please

I want to use “cock and mind” all the time now. “Sorry, I’ve changed my cock and mind.” “Are you out of your freaking cock and mind?” It’s a good decision.

You could probably get your seed money on Kickstarter.

idk i like hiking

I’m still so young, so I’m just having fun.