Along those lines:

Enviably not enviously.

I actually love Aziz, and read it with every intention of giving him the benefit of the doubt. I think he didn’t realize how abusive his behavior was, and had no intention of causing harm. But the fact remains that he did ignore verbal and non-verbal cues to stop. He repeatedly followed her around when she push him…

I think that’s where this article gets it just right- the article seems to have touted itself as “BREAKING! EXTRA! ANOTHER MAN THAT IS AN ABUSER!” when the actual story is more complex and deserves to be treated as such.

This! Thanks to the state of sexual education in this country paired up with too many parents stressing the “save it to marriage” aspect of things and/or parents that don’t even want their kids to see a penis or have to discuss what a vagina is, we’re all left to figure this shit out on our own.

Fairly sure you mean “Enviably.” #HireACopyEditor

I really didn’t like that article—she also misrepresented the situation (saying that after she asked him to stop, they watched Seinfeld and she went home. Reality: They watched Seinfeld and he asked for a BJ). However, I did agree that Grace is entirely stripped of agency in this situation—why did she feel that way? I…

Look at Bianca Lawson, silently laughing at us all because she still looks like a teenager.

I’m with you. I believe Grace’s story and I don’t think that she did anything wrong in the encounter. But from what I can see here, neither did Aziz. They both made assumptions about what the other wanted that were incorrect, and led to an upsetting misunderstanding. But the biggest thing Aziz did wrong wasn’t asking…

I remember my last weird af sexual encounter. It was on a third date, and I’d gone to the guy’s house after dinner with the excuse of smoking pot, which he did on a daily basis, and I never do.

Ansari has always struck me as a creep, and I have long felt that straight women lauding him as some sort of feminist ally hero was indicative of their desperation to make nice with straight men.

It does speak to something, tho (hence this Jez post): women are reluctant to explicitly say “no” because too many men take it as a personal insult. That (and some considerable insensitivity on Ansari’s part) is what I think was at the root of this incident.

Right? It’s amazing how men are allegedly SO terrified of false rape accusations - but somehow they defend ignoring it when a woman says “I don’t want to feel forced because then I’ll hate you, and I’d rather not hate you.” They defend a man repeatedly moving her hand to his dick after she keeps moving it away. Or…

I too, am disappointed. The Aziz Ansari case is a great opportunity to discuss the commonplace and insidious consequences when both men and women are not taught properly about consent. Men are taught to accept everything except an outright “No” as an invitation to continue. And even an outright “No” means “Not right…

Here is where I’ll probably get flamed, but there were so many aspects of her story that sounded unrealistically entitled and just, frankly, willfully unaware. Grace describes going BACK to this man who had just gone down to her, and FULLY NAKED, “...sat down on the floor next to Ansari, who sat on the couch, she…

We’re expected to simultaneously believe that men are the arbiters of all logic, reason, and leadership ability while also understanding that men are dumb idiot babies who can’t understand or recognize obvious discomfort or the basic idea that “if you have to persuade someone to do something, they don’t want to do it.”

It’s difficult to effectively communicate that I believe Grace, I think the #metoo and #timesup movements are not working as well as the should be, and that I don’t think Ansari is a predator in the sense of the men who’ve been called out before him.

While I am careful about putting obligations on the part of a woman to not be assaulted, THIS needed to be said. Women are (WILD GENERALIZATION COMING) often eager to please and slow to disappoint. It did not appear that she could not have left, or that she would be facing some negative consequences of telling Ansari…

“And to suggest that sticking your fingers down a woman’s throat on the first hookup is unexpected - please get out more.”

Um...what?

the editors of Babe were . . . courting a bad faith conversation